Honorless Man
by Rahwin
Summary: When all hope has died, is there anything that matters anymore? Does even honor hold any importance when nothing is left? Can the man who overcame all resistance and even killed a god, survive when he is his own opponent? Can Kasumi do anything to help?
1. To drown in mud

HONORLESS MAN

chapter 01 – To drown in mud

03/02/27

By: Ufomanne

I try to rise  
From this mud, black of blood  
To see the sun  
To see with my blinded eyes

Agony-

To realise  
The sin was mine, only mine  
To cry, blood dripping from eyes, gone  
Those eyes the truth plucked out

Panic-

As I se the final light disappear  
As the last breath is denied  
Hope is forever gone  
That last glimpse of warmth

Tiredness-

To fight for the light to return  
But who can move the sun  
Who can heal their sight  
To fight but only pushed back in mud

Amazement-

Why haven't I given up yet  
Why not lie down  
In the mud and drown  
Why not succumb to their wish  
For my blood and death

nothingness-

* * *

It was night once again, the darkness revealing a clear sky with no moon, but with stars bright and plenty enough to be mesmerised by their beauty. Nights like this usually was a time when things was not so hectic, in difference to the day, when every moment was a moment when you could be attacked in any way possible. Every moment a moment you had to be prepared for anything, to be alert every second, an existence that, for one person at least, was very tiring. 

Now though, it was dark, the nightly breeze giving a feeling of calmness, of course that was not always the case, but often enough it was safe from sudden attacks, so that Ranma could feel a little secure, to relax and actually think, sitting upon the roof of the Tendo dojo. He slowly followed the path of stars called the milky way with his gaze, and wished that he could lend some of their age and wisdom, so he could figure out how to get out of the mess that was his life.

As he sat there and listened to the sleepy chirping of the cicadas, and the low mumble from a city who was alive even in a late hour like this, a big city like this never really slept, he thought back on the year that had passed. Nothing had changed, there was still the fighting fiancées, the angry martial-artists who was seeking revenge over anything and nothing, money earned through the expense of him or the people he cared for. Simply being used and humiliated in any way possible, as much as possible.

Of course, his father had taught Ranma his final techniques, even the forbidden ones (after a lot of "persuasion"), and now Ranma was left to improve on his own devices, even though he still sparred with his father, if nothing else to get the satisfaction to beat the stuffing out of the grubby panda now and then. Ranma had even learned some more from the old ghoul, she even didn't know of it herself (at least that was what he hoped). And maybe he even could stand a decent chance against her now, although he wasn't completely sure about that.

And a lot of nice things had happened over this year, he guessed he had matured a bit (a whole lot actually, but he didn't want to admit to himself that he was immature in the first place) and learned a lot more about life, and martial arts of course, heck, wasn't that actually the same thing? Life and martial arts.

But, even with these positive things in the equation, it came out negative.

For one whole year he had really tried to fix things, not that he didn't try before, but now he had really had it as a goal and fought for it. What was the result of his efforts? Nothing, nothing at all, if nothing else he had managed to entangle himself in the mess that composed his life even more. And through the last year the feeling of hopelessness had grown.

Sometimes it was so hard to fight the feelings surging up, trying to break free from his emotional iron grip and to be expressed. Sometimes he wanted to cry and scream and, and... but he couldn't, he was supposed to be a man among men, and men didn't cry (or so Genma had taught him, even though Genma himself had contradicted it quite a few times himself...) So Ranma just tried to harden himself and carry on.

But he was so close to breaking now, he could almost feel the cracks covering him, invisible and small, the integrity of his person was failing, how much he fought against it didn't seem to matter. He couldn't do anything about it anymore, and he was beginning to get desperate.

'I have to fix this before I go crazy' Ranma thought

But the statement felt more like an admittance that he indeed was going to become crazy soon, because a solution was beyond his reach.

He heaved a heavy sigh of resignation and lay down on the roof, still turning and twisting his problems to view them in all angles possible, to perhaps gain some insight, some perspective of it all which from everything didn't seem totally hopeless.

Searching for an impossibility.

* * *

The day after, evening time.

* * *

Ranma sighed, it had been another day of bodily and emotional damage, the usual arguments at home before going to school, Akane calling him a pervert, and though his best efforts to keep his mouth shut eventually answered the badmouthing Akane was giving him, with severe pain as a result. School, Kuno came to get his daily beating spouting his usual incoherent pieces of poetry, then Shampoo, and with her Mousse, and on and on and on. And of course... some cold water got in between as usual, making him a girl twice before he got home. 

Even P-chan graced his day, with one of his far too frequent visits, unfortunately in his un-cursed form. Normally he enjoyed his fights with Ryoga, even though they seemed deadly enough, and both of them almost always went full out on each other, there was a profound understanding between the two of them. If only Ryoga sometime could slow down and think, and maybe try to overcome his hate, so they really could be friends again.

He almost won today, the little piggy-boy, the last week Ranma couldn't really manage to put his heart in the fighting. It worried even him, the martial arts were what defined him, if he lost his control over this then he really would be doomed.

Akane, of course, went ballistic over him being "mean to Ryoga-chan" (Ranma couldn't comprehend how dense she was sometimes, was it always his fault that Ryoga attacked him? He didn't get it at all) and malleted him away from the scene, might have been just as well, because otherwise he might actually have lost the battle.

Strange thing was it didn't even sting his pride to know he almost got beaten, and Ryoga didn't even have a new technique to surprise him with, it was just a normal fight. He almost lost but all he could feel was a numb, uncaring... nothing. It didn't matter anymore.

And that feeling made him want to crawl out of his own skin. He didn't want that feeling, it wasn't him.

* * *

He sighed once again and started a slow trek up the stairs in the Tendo residence, towards his room, and towards Akanes. He had to try to say something, to maybe make her understand how he felt. He liked her, but as a friend. One time he thought he loved her, and maybe he did, but not anymore. They had experienced a few tender moments in the time he had known her, and that was the most cherished memories he had, but all the almost constant abuse and fighting just was too much, he couldn't handle it; it made him shut away his feelings. And one day he realised they had died, or at least transformed to something else altogether in their prison. He would do anything for her, as a friend. The love he had for her was not dead, but it would never become the same again, never have the same strength. The love that died, was the kind of love that cannot exist without trust. She never trusted him, and he had to himself, that he didn't trust her either, and never had. 

He willingly admitted that he was just as much a catalyst for the fights as she was, and he was sorry, he was so very sorry for all the times he hurt her. The last year he had tried to better himself, he really did, and he managed to avoid putting his foot in his mouth in a degree which impressed even him. But sometimes he just boiled over, and then everything went bad again, like today. He tried, and actually had changed himself to be a little considerate with what he said, although he had to admit that he still was crude at times, he at least had worked in a little thought between the direct link of his speech centre in his brain to his mouth. It never seem to matter anyway, the only change was that Akanes eruptions of anger due to his numerous mistakes when he talked, but she made up for almost all those times with having become a lot faster to jump him when he didn't answer, because she read things into his silence, or took his halfway good answers as lies.

* * *

He had avoided the dinner to let Akane calm down, and to avoid saying something stupid, which, with his luck, he would without doubt put his foot in his mouth (maybe even feet).  
But Kasumi, kind as she always was, gave him something to put in his stomach afterwards. 

Now finished with the meal and helping Kasumi with cleaning up in the kitchen, the sun was going down, and he was tired, he would crawl into his bed soon. But first Akane.

'One last time, she have to listen, she have to! Please let her listen' Ranma thought, and lightly knocked on her door.

"Yes?" A slightly irritated voice said from within.

"It's me, Ranma, may I come in?" Ranma said with a humble voice (for him anyway).

After what Ranma guessed was a couple of minutes silence he heard a shuffling inside, and then the door slid aside and he was faced with Akane.

"What do you want?" she asked, both her voice and face expressed barley contained anger.

"I... may I come in? I wanted to talk to you..." Ranma said, trailing off at the end, sounding a little unsure.

"Well... ok, but make it quick." Her voice lost a little of its hostility when she noticed the strange lack of forcefulness and arrogance that usually permeated his voice. She stepped aside, and he quickly stepped inside, making sure not touching anything. Akane slid the door shut again and turned to him, with one eyebrow lifted and her arms crossed.

"I wanted to... apologize, for today. I'm sorry..." He said, with some little effort, but still sounding sincere.

"Well, I can't blame you for being a hapless pervert can I? Oh right, I can... but ok, I'll think about it." Akane said with a little smirk, seeming to enjoy giving back a little.

'Calm, calm Ranma, you can do this' He thought and bit himself in his tongue and ignored the comment.

"And... for everything else too, all of it, I..." Ranma begun, sweat almost breaking out in his face of the effort to say what he wanted to say.

"Do you really think that's something you can be forgiven for? Everything that happened here is because you and your father came along..." Akane interrupted, slowly raising her voice through the sentence.

"But I, Wait, Akane, let me finish..." Ranma desperately tried to intervene.

"NO! I'm not going to listen to you, every time I try to forgive everything you have done, ruined in my life, every time you drag your sorry carcass up here and try to beg for forgiveness because someone else forced you to, every time you just fuck up the day after anyway!" Akane almost-screamed, pointing an accusing finger at him, anger flushing her face.

"But I..." Ranma didn't have time to say more before a little black pig came smacking into his side, squealing (what Ranma guessed it was at least) profanities at him. Caught totally off guard he stumbled, and his foot caught at a pile of books on the floor. Ranma flailed with his hands, trying to avoid the inevitable fall. Before hitting the floor he got hold of something with his hand, but it gave away and he smacked face first into the mat.

Groaning, he sat up again, smacking Ryoga out of the way, and noticed, to his dread, that he was covered, as the rest of the room, in panties and bras. He looked up at Akane; she just stood there with open mouth and a pair of panties on her head and stared in shock at her room.

Ranma heaved a depressed sigh, and just relaxed his body. 'Damn, I got hold of just the wrong handle of the drawer' he thought depressed.

Soon enough, as Ranma predicted, Akanes face scrunched up in terrifying wrath, drew fourth a mallet and with a resounding "PERVERT!" hit him out the window.

* * *

A now female Ranma stood up in the pond sadly looking up at the window he just flew out of, now occupying an enraged Akane. 

"And what have I said about harassing P-chan!" She screamed at him and shut the window with a bang.

'Must be bullet-proof glass, or else it would have shattered long ago' Ranma thought, and slowly waded out of the pond.

"Damn that water is cold" she muttered under her breath, trying to wring some of the water out of her clothes. After a minute she gave up, and walked with slumped shoulders toward the house, the hope in her heart flickering, almost as if it was a flame that was slowly being drenched in the water that covered her. She didn't even have the energy to berate Akane for being such a sexless tomboy, which was an enormous testimony to her weariness.

* * *

Slowly walking into the kitchen, looking at her feet and deep in thought, Ranma slumped down beside the table in the kitchen, staring numbly at the clean surface of the table. 

"Oh my, you're all wet, is everything alright Ranma?" A kind voice asked, and Ranma raised her head and looked at Kasumi, drying her hands on a towel. Ranma just looked at her, unable to form an answer. Kasumi looked at Ranma with a worried expression, then taking the teakettle of the stove (always having some warm water in it, in case of Ranma or his father needed it) and brought it over to the table and setting it down in front of Ranma. Smiling and laying a hand on Ranmas shoulder.

"You change back, and I'll go get some towels for you, ok?" She asked and gave Ranma her best smile.

"Ah, I... I mean, ok..." Ranma responded, woken from her contemplating silence, with a dead voice, confused about her own sudden stuttering.

Kasumi squeezed Ranmas shoulder before walking out of the kitchen, leaving Ranma, who didn't waste any time to get back to the gender he was born as. He smiled a little; it was hard to stay depressed in the presence of Kasumi. She was one of the only people he knew who he could have a somewhat peaceful co-existence with. The last year he had tried to better himself, which led to that he helped in the kitchen sometimes, and gradually became friends with Kasumi, usually a person who liked to stay out of the way from the chaos that was called his life, he hadn't really gotten to know her before that. She made her presence so, unnoticeable, sometimes.

Now they usually talked over some tea in the morning, or after dinner when they had done the dishes. He really liked talking with her, and she seemed to enjoy his company as well. He really was grateful to her, she didn't mallet or hit him as soon as he said something stupid, but let him explain what he really meant, or let him apologise and she accepted it. They had discussed a great deal of things, although nothing really sensitive. Ranma hadn't dared to bring up his closest feelings about the fiancées and the whole situation, and he knew Kasumi had some stuff she hadn't been willing to talk about either. But sometime, he hoped, he would be able to talk to her about it, maybe she could help him, or he help her. He didn't really dare yet though. After all, he was a man among men; they took care about their problems themselves, right? Still, she was a true friend.

Ranma sighed, and put the teakettle down on the table again.

'I really wish I could have the same friendship with Akane...' He wistfully thought and stared down on the teakettle, then sighing again.

'If I got one yen for each time I have sighed the last weeks I would be rich' Ranma thought absentmindedly, and started to take his shirt off.

"Some time I should just take a boulder and carry it here and fill the pond, so I don't have to take so many baths" He muttered and put the shirt beside him "at least not so cold ones" He added.

"You might be right, but it's a nice pond, I think, and wouldn't it hurt more to land on a rock?" Kasumi said with a smile when she entered anew and put three towels beside Ranma, which he took use of immediately.

"I guess you're right, but still, I'm going to look like Happosai in a couple of years if my skin keep getting soaked in water all the time like this" Ranma said with a dry tone, rubbing his torso with a towel.

As usual he was taken by surprise by the bell-like laughter; it was as if the sound of a forest stream cascading down a mountain and elves dancing and singing in the morning-mist transferred to a human voice. He smiled at Kasumi, relishing in that laughter. Akane had a beautiful laughter, but this was like an angels. Still it was a rare laughter, he really tried to make her laugh as often as he could, because he never heard it before he really talked to her. She always smiled, that kind understanding smile of hers, but she almost never laughed.

Still giggling Kasumi walked to the stove and took the teakettle which had tea in it and took it, with two cups, to the table.

"Then you better hurry up and marry Akane before she dumps you" Kasumi said with laughter in her voice, and almost dropped the teakettle and cups when she saw Ranmas face went from sunny day to Antarctic winter night and she realised what she said.

The foot-in-mouth manoeuvre was apparently not patented by the Saotome males.

"Oh my, I'm sorry Ranma, that was mean of me..." Kasumi said with regret in her voice.

Ranma sighed (again!)

"It's ok, but I think there isn't anyone to dump by anyone anymore, it's already done." He said with an even voice.

"What do you mean? You and Akane have had fights before without staying enemies that long... Did she renounce the marriage deal again?" Kasumi said and looked at Ranma while she poured tea into the cups, and giving one to Ranma.

"No, it's just..." He trailed off and stared into his mug, not sure if he wanted to talk about it. Oh, sure he wanted to, but he was not sure he dared to.

"I just feel it's no meaning with it anymore, why not just give up?" Ranma continued, and shocked himself with what he said. But he realised that was what he felt.

Kasumi just stared at him, not really comprehending what he said.

"Kasumi... I don't love her, well, yes I do love her, but as a friend. I don't want to marry her. I have tried to explain to her so many times, but she never listens. I realise I'm not very good at expressing things like that, and that I easily make it sound like something else. But I have tried. I tried just now, for the last time I think." Ranma said, then drawing a deep breath and taking half his tea in one gulp.

"Ranma, you..." Kasumi started, but hesitated and stared down in her mug.

"I can't do anything, maybe it's best to just give up about everything." Ranma said, setting his mug down, and standing up.

"That's what it feels like anyway, I can't fight forever, even if my body survives, my soul is ripped to pieces by all this." He turned around and walked to the opening of the kitchen. Kasumi had her mouth open as if she was trying to say anything, she looked helplessly at him.

"Goodnight Kasumi, see you tomorrow, and sorry." Ranma smiled at her over his shoulder. A sad smile.  
Then he walked out of the kitchen, leaving a shocked Kasumi behind.

* * *

'Goddammit Ranma! Stupid, stupid stupid stupid!' Ranma thought with anger at himself, he just had to spill his guts like that, Stupid! He ran up the stairs silently and into his room and quickly slipped into his futon after he shed the rest of his wet clothes. It would take a long time before he found sleep.

* * *

Kasumi sat a while in the kitchen, with the tea slowly cooling in her hands. When a teardrop disturbed the surface of the now cold tea she realised she was crying. When Ranma first started talking, what he said just froze her inside and out. Ranma really didn't deserve all the trouble he had, at first glance he seemed like such an arrogant person, self-confident to a fault. But she knew better now, he was a gentle person, and all that insecurity and fear of not being accepted. It hurt her seeing him faring so badly, making her feel helpless that she couldn't do anything more to help him that what she did. The one thing that Kasumi admired about him was that he never gave up, Ranma and give up in the same meaning just didn't feel right, and hearing those words from his lips brought a horrible feeling to her stomach. 

'Why am I crying?' she asked herself, staring shocked at her teacup, small tremors still visible. She quickly dried her tears and stood up, trying to shake the confusion from her mind. Desperately needing something else to think about, and with all the work already done in the kitchen, and elsewhere in the house, she decided to cook something for tomorrow.

Anything but thinking about her confused feelings.

To be continued

Author notes:

Kasumi/Ranma? maybe..

Akane bashing? I don't intend to.

How will this turn out? I have no idea...


	2. Broken Soul

  
  
Howdy everyone.

Thank you for all the reviews, I was happily shocked at how many I got.

I thought I would answer some small questions before the chapter ensues, or at least try to explain some small things that might be interesting to know (probably not, but anyway).  
The story is set a year after the failed wedding (and thus, the end of the manga), so it should be obvious that this is a continuation, which it isn't. There isn't really enough changes to make it an A/U or some such, but there are differences in characterisation and situations that are too large to really fit into canon. So what to call it? Does it need a name? I don't think so. Just be aware that everything that happens is carefully pondered, so I don't do stuff on a whim, and mostly there is an explanation as to why it goes as it goes.  
About the Kasumi/Ranma pairing that many asked after, I hate to slap a marker on it saying that it's one pairing or another. Lets just say like this, the first chapters are mostly about Kasumi and Ranma, and it will remain the main focus of the story, And there are many different sorts of love. Maybe they will become lovers, or maybe they will become the best of friends, I know, but I will keep it a secret until it's apparent in the story.

More notes afterward

You can read my fanfics on my homepage too! I've put it with a black background and white text, at least I think that's more comfortable to read than black text on white background...  
I have not put much there yet, but more will 

One and only prereader for this chapter was Valor Phoenix, many thanks to him for helping me.

And now!

HONORLESS MAN

chapter 02 - Broken 

By: Ufomanne

Email: Rahwin and add the domain listed above.

The next morning

Ranma slowly ascended to the surface of consciousness from the black oblivion of sleep, fighting to stay asleep the whole way, but to no avail. He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling.

'The people who said that life was a fight from beginning to the end were far too right.' He thought, and jumped up and steeled his mind against another oncoming day of constant battle.

After quickly throwing on his usual outfit he walked out of his room and trudged down the short hallway and down the stairs, stretching his limbs as he walked. Sleep didn't seem as restful as it used to be, he felt tired and stiff.

'Some food will undoubtedly help me get going.' Ranma thought, already mentally drooling at the thought of Kasumis cooking. Instantly feeling his spirits rise at the thought of food, especially when it was Kasumis. He changed his pace and shot down the rest of the stairs with his usual speed and bounded into the room where Kasumi was busy putting out the breakfast on the table. The sun was shining in from a gap in a heavy curtain of rain clouds on the sky, making the atmosphere warm and light even though the heavens promised thunder and rain anytime now.

"Mornin' Kasumi, that sure smells wonderful" he said to her with a cheerful voice. "I'll help with the rest" he added and bounded into the kitchen, before Kasumi cold answer with more than a smile at his happy gait, relieved that he didn't seem depressed anymore.

As Ranma helped Kasumi putting out the rest of the needed things for a breakfast they chatted a little, discussing what they would want to have as a dream-breakfast, several jokes passing between them. As they did so the rest of the family slowly joined them in the dinner-room and sat down at the table, Genma coming first (of course) trying to get to the food before everyone else, and Akane last, hiding a big yawn behind her hand, with still tousled hair.

Kasumi sat down at the table, and Ranma, with a smile on his face, was just going to settle down too when he caught the harsh stare of Akane over the table and saw her mouth 'pervert' with an angry face. Ranma froze for a second, and finally sat down, but with shoulders slumped and his smile gone like it never existed.

Kasumis smile also faded a little when she saw Ranmas change of mood, and hoped that Akane would not bring it up again. When Akane didn't seem to do anything else than trying to flake the paint of the walls with her eyes, Kasumi started to hand out breakfast, and everyone ate in silence, which was a far in between occurring event in the Tendo household.

The world darkened as the sun went into hiding, and a low rumble of far away thunder could be heard over the sound of eating in the room. The feeling of coming rain was strong, the smell of it coming in through one of the open shoji doors.

"Boy..." Genma stated in a pause of face stuffing, pausing again to breathe a little more of his rice. "You better apologize to Akane, a real man doesn't insult women" Genma shot one of his usual disapproving scowls Ranmas way, and then continued his intake of food.

"But I..." Ranma started, glaring at his father, also pausing in his imitation of a vacuum cleaner.

"Then why ask Ranma of something like that, he's a girl half the time anyway." Only to be interrupted by Nabiki, speaking in an amused tone, eating with slow grace.

"But still, that's not a thing to do to your fiancée, you better apologise to my little girl before I become unhappy with you, son." Soun added in a half admonishing, half pleading voice and waved his chopsticks in the direction of Ranma.

"But I didn't do anything!" Ranma finally got in between the others comments, he looked quite bewildered. The all too known feeling of helplessness rising. Couldn't they ever see it his way? He did try his best yesterday! His mood darkened even more.

"Hah! Like you can say that when you just came barging into my room and rip open my underwear drawer and spill the contents all over the room, pervert!" Akane said with vehemence, accidentally spitting out some rice in the meantime, still angry at herself for hoping for everything to get better again.

"But it was an accident, I didn't..." Ranma desperately tried to at least get one full sentence out, a half-pleading tone to his voice, to no avail. 'Please don't do this, not now' he thought desperately.

"Accident my ass! You just wanted to look at all my panties, bastard!" Akane shouted with tense body, looking like she would jump up and clobber Ranma in any moment, tears almost forming in her eyes.

Nabiki looked at Ranma with a cold disapproving look, and everyone else, save for Kasumi, looked at him, clearly less than amused at Ranmas 'accident'.

"Can't you ever listen to me!? I didn't do it on purpose you tomboy!" Ranma shouted back, now fired up as much as Akane. He felt a bitter taste rising in his throat, trying desperately to keep his feelings in a tight rein.

"That's enough! Now you apologise boy! Or do you want to sully your honor?!" Genma bellowed, clipping Akanes own response as she opened her mouth.

"Honor? What has this to do with honor?" Ranma asked, turning to his father, his voice angry and frustrated.

"You can't go and insult your Wife to be like that, remember the honor of the Saotome name!" Genma said with a loud voice, hopping up from his seated position and pointing a finger at his son.

"Like I would want to marry an inconsiderate idiot like him anyway." Akane stated with her usual angry tone.

Ranma just stared at his father with a scowl and didn't seem to notice Akanes comment at all.

"What would you know of honor, old man? Breaking promises, stealing, lying, freeloading, the only thing you know of is cowardice!" Ranma spat back to Genma, slowly rising up himself, placing his plate and chopsticks on the table. He struggled to keep the anger bottled up, but it felt like it burned him like fire, making him unable to restrain his sharp retort.

"Watch your mouth boy, you should learn to respect your elders, and stop behaving like a... a girl!" Genma threw back, griping a half second for the perfect insult (if slightly worn from overuse).

Crack Ranma felt the hairline cracks all over his being widen a tiny bit.

"At least I'm not running away at the slightest sign of danger, you have no right to accuse me of being a girl, you would wear a skirt if it meant Happosai was happy, honorless coward!" Ranma yelled back, now shaking from the effort to keep closed up.

Everyone else around the table backed away, at a loss of words at the display of serious animosity between the two Saotomes.

"Watch out Ranma, or I'll have to teach you some real manners, the hard way" Genma spat with a dangerous glimpse in his eyes, setting down his food and sliding into stance.

"Watch yourself Pops so you don't take on a fight you can't handle, you won't be able to sneak out of this one, coward" Ranma said with such venom in his voice he surprised himself, no less everyone else.

"I thought I learned you better than that Ranma, watch out so I don't deny your claim of the honor of the Saotome name, after all I never wanted a girl as an heir!" Genma bellowed, the rest of the people in the room just staring at him disbelievingly. Ranma and his father always insulted each other and fought over everything, but it had never come to this kind of harsh words.

Several simultaneous strikes of lightning over Nerima illuminated the room, soon followed by the thunder which shook the house with its power.

Something, then and there, snapped within Ranma, the cracks widened and the shell that contained his feelings flaked off and fell. The last hope of ever solving anything was overshadowed and consumed by the intense negative feelings within him. The frustration, anger, hopelessness and pain just burst free and he felt something in his chest shrink in on itself, blacken and die. Nothing was ever going to change, then why keep on fighting? There is no meaning anymore, it was like a epiphany of nothingness.

"Good, not that I wanted that filthy name anyway, I renounce my claim of honor, from now on, I don't have a name." Ranma said with cold anger, tears welling up in his eyes and starting to slide down his cheeks.

First giving a flash of surprise, Genmas face then tightened in fury.

"I can't let you do that boy, you owe me far too much to worm your way out of it like that." he said with a barley-controlled voice, and slid down in a stance. "You have a school to keep alive, and a pledge of honor to marry Akane. I won't let you run away from that if I so have to force you with violence"

"So, the coward had some spine after all, when his goal is compromised." Ranma said with a taunting voice, not even noticing his tears, or his slightly blurred eyesight. He felt like he was floating in a calm sea, that nothing mattered anymore, nothing to stop him.

With a battle cry Genma lunged over the table with the forgotten breakfast and whipped forth a forceful kick, which Ranma blocked with his hand, catching Genmas foot, absorbing the brutal force of the kick. He then raised his own leg and interlinked it over Genmas, with his heel in Genmas stomach, and brought the bald man down with a fierce cry. Genma hit his head on the table and Ranma brought down both his fists in lightning fast strikes (after having let go of Genmas foot) and smashed the table on both sides of Genmas head.

"That could have been your head, old man, and will, if you don't give up" Ranma hissed. Father and son stared at each other, their noses almost touching, Genma with an angered and determined expression, Ranma with a feral grin and empty eyes, still crying.

Again the two combatants breaking into a flurry of movements, Genma kicking Ranma in the gut, hurling him over the table (now reduced to splinters). Ranma making a graceful flip and landed, gliding into ready stance. Genma jumped up and rushed over with another battle cry, unleashing a barrage of moves, met by Ranma at equal speed.

"They're really serious about this, they're using crippling moves" Akane said disbelievingly, standing with the rest of the Tendo family against the far wall, having fled there when the fierceness of the verbal assaults started to get off hand. Staring at the two fighting men, lightning illuminating everything in sharp detail in quick succession.

"We have to stop them!" Said Kasumi, with a fearful voice, almost drowned out by the thunder and battle cries.

"We can't, if one of them is distracted for just a moment the other one can get in a killing move, we can't risk that." Said a surprisingly serious Soun, who stood a little ahead of his daughters, he too in a ready stance. "They have to settle this by themselves"

"But we have to! They'll destroy the house!" Shouted Akane.

Ranma flew out through the paper wall from a hard kick to the chest that got through his defence. Making a back flip in the air and sliding several meters, stopping close to the pond. Genma stepped out of the destroyed wall, panting heavily.

"You fight a lot better when you're serious" Ranma assessed wiping some blood from his mouth. "But now it's time to end this." He said with an emotionless voice, himself not appearing winded at all.

"Your end will be the only end, if you insist on this." Genma answered, serious expression in his face, a trickle of blood dropping down the side of his face from a split brow. Then drawing a great breath and going forward so fast the onlookers almost thought he just disappeared.

Ranma launched himself forward just as fast, and met Genma halfway, blocking his kick with his own leg and hitting Genma on his left upper arm, numbing the nerves, and making Genmas left arm useless. Thus forced to drop his guard Genma tried to get away, but Ranma kicked out with the leg he had blocked with, making Genma start to spin around. Catching Genmas right arm with both hands and twisting it forcefully, feeling the shoulder joint dislocate with a wet feeling of snapping ligaments. Letting go of the arm and quickly turning around, lifting a leg into a roundhouse kick, catching Genma in the ribs. Ranma felt several ribs break and give away; he twisted around again, using the momentum of the roundhouse kick to jump up and lash out with his other leg, and hitting Genma in the side of the head with his heel. Genma, thus launched into the air, flew a few meters and then crashed lifelessly into the ground, not moving again. Ranma landed gracefully from his skewed pirouette, only a light give on his left leg jarring the fluid movement. He grabbed the leg with one hand. "Tough he always was, the sneaky bastard" Ranma muttered, staring at the person who was once his father, holding his left leg as it barley could support him.

He stood there with a strange feeling of calmness, staring at the limp form of Genma. He actually harmed a person, injuring him out of free will, not even necessity, and he couldn't feel anything. No regret, no happiness, nothing.

A mighty lightning flashed over the sky, the thunderclap following a second after reverberated in Ranmas chest and made his ears hurt. Then the wind picked up and the rain came like a curtain.

Ranma turned to the house, where the Tendo stood under the roof of the veranda. First staring at Akane through the heavy rainfall, and then shifting to Soun. The three sisters peering back with apprehensiveness and a little fear, Soun with a serious but blank expression.

"It's over Soun, I renounce my claim of the name Saotome, I will not recognise any claim of duty to marry any of your daughters, and I hereby render all my engagements and other obligements invalid. I... I'm nameless, and honorless." Ranma said with a catch in the last bit, sounding almost like a sob, the rain matting her now red hair to her head.

Lightning crashing overhead, the rain whipping around violently, Ranma slowly limped back inside, past the onlookers, still frozen in shock. Almost totally drowned out by the thunder rolling over the skies they heard Ranmas "I'm sorry" before she disappeared inside.

The Tendo family ran up to the Saotome patriarch, now in panda form, to check that he at least was breathing. Nabiki said, or rather shouted over the rainfall and thunder. "I'll call Doctor Tofu!" and ran into the house, to the phone.

"He doesn't seem too badly hurt, he'll be fine, I hope." Soun said, more to himself than to Akane, while he was accessing the damage done to his old friend.

"I can't believe Ranma did that! He has no right to do any such thing!" Akane hotly declared, feeding all of the shock and fear that she had been exposed to into the more familiar and secure feeling of intense anger. She suddenly started walking towards the house with an angry stride.

"Akane wait! Let him be!" Soun shouted, but in vain, as Akane already disappeared into the house.

Ranma walked toward the dojo, immersed in her own hell. The realisation that everything, everything was in vain, nothing mattered at all. She thought so before, and the feeling brought her down. But now, at the breakfast table, she finally realised it for real, now she knew and something within her chest had become cold and black.

'Is that my hope? Is nothing left?' Ranma thought, remarkably still and calm, the shock of her insight and what she just did numbing her until she almost felt like she was dreaming.

'The hope is the last thing that dies, but now my hope is dead, and my honor gone, I'm nothing.' An intense feeling of loss filled her. 'Why am I alive then?' She didn't have any answer.

"Ranma, how could you!" Ranma heard the loud scream and recognised it as Akanes, then sliding out of the way when said person passed the space she had occupied a split second before with a flying kick. Akane landed a couple of meters down the hall, whipping around and facing Ranma with her face scrunched up in fury.

"I don't know what kind of games you're playing now, but you've gone too far! You can't just do what you just did!"

"Why not? Who is there to stop me? I thought you would be happy to be rid of me, and you can't say that the thing that I have called my father didn't deserve what he got. Be happy you don't have to be forced into being my fiancée anymore." Ranma replied, with a toneless voice and blank face.

"T-that's beside the point! I..." Akane trailed off, not really sure what she wanted to say, the issue with the engagement touching an unsure topic, but the anger still pushing her.

"You what? You know Akane, I've tried so hard to sort things up, but now it's too late! I can't do anything anymore. I tried so hard to become better at not insulting you can't say you haven't noticed, but I'm a hothead, I can't help it. I'm tired that everyone blames everything bad that happens on me! I tried to at least be your friend, because honestly I once liked you, but I didn't like the thought of forcing you into a marriage, or being forced myself without having a say!" Ranma shouted at her, red in the face, then drawing a deep breath and continuing.

"And you just threw it in my face! Everyone did! Everything is just wasted, my efforts to get rid of my fiancées in a gentle way, to maybe become friends with Ryoga again, it's all in vain!"

Akane stared at her, momentarily stunned at Ranmas eruption.

"I won't have it any more! I won't stand for it! Your convenient saviour that doesn't need more thanks than a beating is gone! Now leave me alone!" Ranma shouted, now awash in anger herself, pointing a seemingly threatening finger at Akane. "I'm not yours to use anymore, I'm no-ones to use" She added with venom.

Suddenly Ranma smiled a feral grin, realising that one opportunity had opened up. Akane had stared at the finger pointed at her, and was unsure if she should be afraid, or become even angrier and beat some sense into Ranma.

"You know... have you seen P-chan around lately?" Ranma asked almost nonchalantly, smile widening.

"Eh? What does he have to do with anything, he was here yesterday, but he disappeared..." Akane asked first confused, then with a darkening expression "I told you to stay away from P-chan!"

Ranma ignored her comment and raised an eyebrow at Akane "Sheesh, that pig seems to have just as bad sense of direction as Ryoga"

"Leave Ryoga out of this! He's a nice guy, in difference to a pervert like you!"

Ranma frowned at her, but still disregarding Akanes verbal barbs. "I know a secret about Ryoga, one he wants to keep at any price. I was bound by honor not to say anything, but now it's not an issue anymore. Do you wonder why I always pick on P-chan?"

"Because you like to torment my poor little pet, or want an excuse to peep on me!" Akane retorted, starting to get a little unsure of where exactly Ranma wanted to come with this argument.

"Ryoga followed me and Genma after Genma decided it was best to move again, and we went to china, we went to Jusenkyo... Ryoga got a curse just like me Akane, and everyone else but you know it. Don't you wonder why P-chan always popped up when Ryoga had been in a fight with me, or at least always when he was around too? Why was I a 'pervert' and tried to protect your virtue almost every night you had P-chan in your bed, why do Ryoga always know about how you feel and which problems you have, even though it's only P-chan you confess to?" Ranma asked, with more and more contempt in her voice at each sentence.

The truth dawned on Akane, and a tear dripped from her eye as she realised the terrible betrayal of what she thought was the only decent boy she ever met.

"No... No, you're lying Ranma, he wouldn't do such a thing, you're lying!" Akane shouted at the top of her lungs, and reacted by a now almost automatic pattern. She whipped out her mallet and charged Ranma, intending to make her fly out of the roof, shutting her hurting words away with her.

Ranma growled and gave a war cry as she went into motion herself.

Akane saw, in slow-motion how Ranma suddenly seemed to shimmer, and then how her fist came to meet Akanes side swing with the mallet, and how it connected in the centre of it, and how the head of the mallet slowly exploded into a cloud of splinters, leaving her with a broken stick in her hands. Suddenly everything seemed to speed up to unnatural speed, as she felt how a palm strike hit her in the chest just above her breasts and another simultaneously below, in her diaphragm, sending her violently into the wall. The air was pushed out of her in the strike (or violent push, if you will) and the back of her head smacked against the wall. Sliding down the wall, her legs now like jelly, fighting to regain her breath and trying to focus her blurred sight.

"I said I won't be your punch bag anymore, don't underestimate me." Ranma coldly said, standing over Akane.

"Ranma!" Ranma quickly turned to the owner of the distressed voice, and saw Kasumi standing in the door opening in the hallway.

'She's afraid... of me' Ranma realised when she saw the unconsciously defensive position of her hands balled over her chest, and the unsure expression in her face, eyes weary of what would happen next.

"Kasumi... I..." Ranma tried to say, tears forming in her eyes once more, then turned and fled, taking the door beside the door to the dojo, out into the rain.

"Ranma wait!" Kasumi screamed and ran after Ranma with a hand outstretched, but when she reached to the open door, she could just see a fast retreating silhouette over the roofs, quickly gone in the heavy rainfall. She stared after Ranma with confusion and longing, and then slowly turned and walked to attend to her shocked sister who still sat, with tears in her eyes, where Ranma left her.

The same day, afternoon.

Everything had turned from pleasant dream to nightmare in such a short time Kasumi still had a hard time understanding it all. Tofu had been over and had taken care of Genma which now laid in the guestroom, Tofu said that Genma didn't receive any lasting damage, but that his wounds would take a long time to heal properly, in which time he would be more or less helpless as a martial artist, a hard blow for such a man as Genma. But the Saotome patriarch didn't matter in Kasumis view, she had lost the little respect she had for him a long time ago. Kasumi often wished the freeloading and cowardly man would leave their household, but the man seemed to make her father happy, so she hadn't voiced her opinion, and after all, he was a guest.

Kasumi shook her head and started to wash the dishes that had survived the 'breakfast' this morning, some food on the stove next to her slowly being cooked, not that she thought that it would be anyone who really felt like having dinner today.

Ranma was a different issue altogether, she hadn't seen him since the chaotic breakfast, and she was very upset and worried. And she was angry at herself for not understanding the signs that heralded this terrible morning. After all, at least as far as she knew, she was the only one he talked to, really talked to. And not that it was such a great deal he talked to her either, but their communication had been better than with anyone else, and that could be said for both of them. Ranma dropped small hints all the time, at least the last weeks, hints that he was beginning to get weary of the situation he was in. Especially yesterday, when he told her that he felt helpless, unable to solve anything despite all the effort he put into it. Why didn't she see it? Why didn't she see that this was slowly coming? A person can be pushed only so far. Then they break.

Sometimes she felt like breaking herself, the Tendo family seemed like such a perfect family, but it was so horribly flawed behind the façade, just as almost everything as Kasumi had learned earlier this morning. The family had had its problems before, and its dirty secrets. But everything fell apart when Kasumis mother died. Her father had receded from the strong man she had seen a glimpse of this morning, to a weak, emotional shell that he was most of the time, all his strength lost when his love passed away. Kasumi doubted that he would still be alive if he didn't feel responsible to take care of his daughters, which he wasn't very good at even then but anyway.

Nabiki had changed from an open-minded, lively girl who could give Akane a run for her money any day. Changed to what she was today, fled into the shape of the money grubbing ice queen, playing with others feelings to hide her own. Akane, which had stood mother closer than anyone, turned from the always happy and sunny girl to being moody and quick to anger, fleeing to the emotion that could blank out the pain. Ranma hadn't helped in Akanes case either, her mixed up feelings toward him, the fights all the time, and that they never let each other know what they really felt or thought. Akane had become more and more frustrated with her situation, just as Ranma, and she lashed out more and more at Ranma and the rest of the world in anger.

Kasumi felt like breaking, and maybe she really had that horrible day their family was crushed.

But she couldn't let her family down, she had taken up the reins of her mother and became the substitute. She had started to look after the family, cooking the meals and cleaning the house, giving up on her studies, not that she thought she had the energy to continue the studies anyway, the shock of the shattering of the family was too great. At first it had been relieving, to bury herself in learning all the things you had to know to keep a whole household up and running kept her from doing anything rash, to learn to be a mother. Or rather just a shadow of a mother, because she could never even come close to mend the wound her mothers passing left in them all.

Now she was trapped, she had tried to build the image of the perfect mother, and had came pretty close to what she sought after, but now she was stuck behind a mask that wasn't her. At first she resigned to her fate and thought that if that had to be the way then she couldn't do anything about it. But you can't force a bird with clipped wings to stop dreaming of flying once more, and she wanted to be herself again. Not that she knew who she was anymore, but the image she was in now was horribly wrong.

Not that she minded what she was doing, she liked cooking, and taking care of the home and her family brought her real joy, but she wasn't meant to stay here for the rest of her life. But every day she saw how the time rushed past Ranma and the others who surrounded him, and how they rushed with it, grew and developed. She felt her own time, slowly dripping forth like stagnant oil. It all felt so meaningless. Taking care of her family was a purpose in itself, but not a purpose that could sustain her the Kasumi behind the image.

That was why Ranmas sudden change was so nice, it was about a year ago, if she remembered right, that he had first came and asked her if she wanted help. First she was too shocked to answer, just staring at him like he grew horns and a tail. But as time went and she got to know him she learned of the person behind the image that was Ranma, just like she knew the person behind the image Nabiki. He was nothing like she thought he really was, and that saddened her, so much hurt, so much pain in such a young soul. The things that he told her that he had experienced on his life on the road sometimes made her cry herself to sleep, it resounded with her own pain, reached out and touched her in a way that both intensified and soothed her own buried wounds.

Kasumi sighed and stopped her hands which had been scrubbing a plate, and just held her hands in the warm, soapy water. Ranma was stronger than any of them, he had carried an enormous burden almost all his life, so little love And still he was the person he was, his outward posture could be bratty and annoying, radiating arrogance and smug self-confidence like a rampant nuclear reactor would radiate heat, but he had changed much of that the last year. He was nothing like a lot of other martial artists, far from his cowardly and sneaky father Kasumi gripped the plate when she thought about Ranmas father and his outrageous behaviour, his whole life, and especially this morning. Not realising she gripped with all her might, not realising until a invisible crack it had suffered in the morning widened and with a resounding ping she held two pieces of a plate instead of a whole plate. Kasumi looked surprised at the plate, momentarily brought out of her brooding thoughts.

Slowly placing the shattered plate on the side of the stove she drained the water in the sink and dried her hands on the apron she was wearing. Then taking the now finished food off the stove, if anyone wanted anything to eat they could get it themselves from the kitchen, and then removing the apron.

Ranma was her friend, and she knew he needed help, someone who could support him. Someone who could listen to him, not push him to what they themselves wanted him to be or to do. She didn't know if he would let her help, but she couldn't give up without trying. After all, she didn't really have anything to lose. What she refused to admit to herself was that she also needed help, someone who would listen to and support her. And on some unconscious level, she knew he could do that for her.

So setting herself to help him she thought about where he could have disappeared to, if she knew him right, he might have returned to his room to get out of the rain. She hoped that it was the case at least, and she walked out of the kitchen, setting herself to ignore her own pain and needs once again, to help the boy she felt a strange connection to. Setting herself to be her image once again, to shake herself from doubt and the shock of the morning, to be the image of mother Kasumi once again.

Then why did she constantly have to force the tears back from her eyes?Okay, so, was it good for you too?   
I guess this is where I lose all the readers that became curious with the first chapter but really doesn't like my writing. Oh well as the category states, this is no happy-puppy story, but it can end well, maybe.

I want to mention that English is not my first language, that is not an excuse, but it's the reason that my writing is far from perfect Sorry about that.

I will now address some issues in the story that might be a turnoff for some people. Firstly, the general ooc-ness with characters in this story is a necessary thing, and people who complain about it has a point, but it is how it is, and I hope most of it will be reasonably explained while the story proceeds. All the really good Ranma½ stories I have had the pleasure to read have been very OOC, but in a good way. I hope I can keep it like that too.  
I hope Akane doesn't come off as too much of a bitch. It's too bad many fanfics either glorify her or make her an überbitch. She may come across as one in this chapter, but I do not intend to bash her. Just remember that most of this is told either through Ranma or Kasumi, and they are not (especially Ranma) without their share of misunderstandings of people around them.

Okay, until next time people.Comments and criticism to: email listed at the top...Or just push the little button down there. 


	3. Painless

Hi. It's been a while.  
The third chapter is here anyway.  
You can go to my homepage to read the chapter if you like. (Better for your eyes if nothing else )  
More authors notes at the end of the tunnel, i.e. the chapter.

(previously forgotten)  
DISCLAIMER: Stuff belongs to their respective owners, and most likely not to me, I just borrow the characters for a little time, and most likely make them support some poor shrink for the rest of their lives. :-PHONORLESS MANchapter 03 - 

By: Ufomanne

Email: Rahwin and add the domain listed above.

Does it matter?  
  
Does it matter?   
Does it mean anything to you?

Or is it just loneliness   
that hollow pain of nothingness   
that dying soul of yours   
that dull ache no-one soothes

I can't say it will be allright   
I can't say the sun will shine again   
because I don't believe in anything   
because I don't matter anymore

Does it matter?   
Does it mean anything to you?

or is it just emptiness   
that fear of everything   
that dying soul of yours   
that numbing grip of death

I can't say it will be allright   
I can't give you the warmth you need   
because I lost my faith long ago   
because I don't matter anymore

Does it matter?   
Does it mean anything to you?

or is everything just too late   
that piercing regret and grief   
that dying soul of yours   
that overwhelming self-contempt

I can say it will be allright   
even though I can't give you anything   
because my soul died long ago   
just as yours now before my eyes

I can say it, because you can't hear my screams

Don't give up the only thing you have!   
Don't give up on your precious life.

Ranma sat in the dojo, in the middle of the training hall, now a male and dry once again, with the use of some of his ki to heat the water he had been soaked in before. He sat there on a large piece of rough cloth and stared blankly ahead, not really aware of his surroundings.

Inside his mind he went through everything he had lived through up to today. Everything that had either made his life brighter or darker, all the little happy moments when he had thought that just that moment was worth everything he had gone through, and every moment when the hopelessness and frustration buried him like a black blanket, choking him, and it was only his stubbornness and refusal to give up that kept him going.

Someone had once told him that it's the small things that you have to treasure, because it's the small things that make it worth anything to live at all. He thought it was some old monk that had lived in a shrine he had trained in when he and Genma still was on the road, years before he got the curse, and Ranma always held that for true, he still did.

Only, the small things wasn't enough anymore, it may be true that the small things was what makes it worth to live, but you can't survive by them alone, and when they're as few and far in between as in Ranmas case, well it suffices to say that it's amazing he came this far at all.

Ranma had taken such an amount of abuse over his whole life that it would be enough for a bus full of people to need therapy the rest of their lives. Ranma himself didn't really see it as anything especial at all. Because he didn't knew any other life than his own, and he didn't remember anything of what his life was like before he and his father hit the road, that was just like life was. So he smiled and did not complain and trudged on, trying his best to be a good person.

Over the years, when he slowly grew up, the load that his mind had to carry slowly increased, with no one to talk about any of his troubles, not even the smallest, because Genma would call him a girl as soon as he tried to get some comfort for his insecurities and fears, just as any child would do. After a while he just closed up inside, and became the image outwards that his father wanted him to be, and kept his wounds inside, because he couldn't show any weakness. When he slowly grew up the imprisonment of his feelings became more and more easy to him, to lastly become totally natural, a part of him. But no mind can stay healthy that way, and the feelings slowly stacked, and did so much more rapidly after he got the curse and came to Nerima.

The year that now had passed, he had been aware of his slowly building instability, and had made a frantic try to solve the problems he stood knee-deep in to stop the growing despair and hopelessness from getting out of hand. First the trouble with his curse, it struck such a vital piece of his self identity, his manhood, he had to be considered a man amongst men. Now an impossibility. His father considered girls like they were weak objects, not even really human it seemed. And now his 'son' turned into a girl.

Ranma was surprised that Genma didn't cast him out long ago, he himself and his girl side. A while ago he had sat down and thought everything about his curse through thoroughly. The reason why he did this was an offhand comment from Kasumi that she thought of him in masculine form in either side of the curse. Which Kasumi herself had found very embarrassing of some reason, but never did show it to Ranma.

He thought his curse through, his fear was always that because he turned into a girl when he came in contact with cold water, that he would become a girl in mind as well as body. First he realised (though it took him a good while) that the thing about girls being weak and less worth than a man was just one of his fathers stupid ideas and not true to any extent at all. The question that followed was if he really minded being a girl, a question which his mind revolted violently against, and he came to the conclusion that while he much rather stayed a boy as much as possible it didn't disturb him all that much to be in his other form. Because, and that was the grand thing he realised, that as long as he knew that he was Ranma, that he was he, himself, then the shape of his body mattered less. Still the inconvenience of the curse and the chaos it always spread around him generated a lot of negative feelings.

Then the issue with his fiancées. He had done his best, he had tried to talk to his 'fiancées' seriously to tell them he couldn't make them happy and that this couldn't continue, it would only hurt everyone in the end. He talked to Ryoga, Mousse and Kuno, but no one ever listened to what he was trying to say. Either they jumped to wrong conclusions as soon as he said his first word, or read into what he had said something that even a deranged maniac would find impressive (Kuno often seemed to impress himself at least, heh). He wondered if the curse that was his life affected other people to become blind to what he said. True or not, the result was the same; he didn't get out of anything, and now he was maybe even more stuck in the mud than what he was before. The irony of it all was almost worth a laugh. Not that he had either laugh or tears to shed anymore.

At last you had to count in all the random martial artists that popped up from nowhere and everywhere, almost always wanting him dead, or some other bizarre thing. The nekoken was another horror which kept him awake at night sometimes, the list could go on forever.

Over time he slowly felt the sour taste of his helplessness slowly spread through his mind, but he still had hope, it might have been small and flickering, but still very alive.

Alive, until this morning.

It was like a shadow, all the small things that made him think the life was worth living didn't just disappear, they were still there, the small happy things. But as his frustration grew, and he felt one hope after another either slowly fade away or get brutally annihilated a shadow grew over those things. When the last little piece of it was covered in shadows, when he and his father screamed at each other

That feeling, of something in his chest which stopped living, blackened and died. It still was in there, not a physical thing or organ in itself, but something else, maybe it was his soul, or his hope, he didn't know.

It was still dead, cold, chilling his being, the threads of cold spreading from where it touched, him and spreading outward, numbing his mind and body. A part of him was dead.

That moment, when it, whatever it was, died he realised with perfect clarity. He realised that the hopelessness he felt before just was the feeling of his hope shrinking. But now it was dead, gone.

His hope was gone.

The shadow covered everything, and even though the things that made him happy still was there, because no one could take them away, they didn't matter anymore, the shadow covered them and they could no longer swallow the pain. The agony that now was his being was everything, that and a numb feeling of nothing.

He looked at everything, good and bad. He found himself with an answer.

That he didn't care, his honor was gone, his family name stripped away from him and everything that was left with it. And he didn't care.

The pain was singing through his being, making him want to shrink into foetal position and cry his soul out. But he stopped crying long time ago, because it didn't give the relief it used to give. And it didn't matter anymore.

Ranma blinked a couple of times to focus his sight on the world of the living once more, idly noting that the rain still fell with great intensity, even though the thunder had stopped long ago. He didn't really know what time it was, his inner clock told him sometime around dinnertime, but he wasn't hungry.

Still with a total blank look on his face, showing no emotion whatsoever, he turned his gaze downward, and let it rest on the black lacquered ceremonial tanto that rested within its similarly coloured sheath lying in front of his knees. It was old, it had maybe been in the ownership of the dojo since it was built, Ranma wondered how many lives it had taken in a similar way that it soon would claim his. Must be a lot, in the old way of the samurai seppuku was a common thing, to restore ones honor if the person had harmed his honor so that he wouldn't be able to redeem it in this life. Ranma didn't have any honor left at all to restore, but the knife would do its work none the less.

He reached forward and took the tanto over its hilt, lifting it up in front of him, then grabbing with his other hand over the sheath, and slowly drew the blade. He looked with no emotion at the glinting blade, still in perfect shape even after so many years. He put the sheath at his side, carefully laying it down and taking his time. Then he reached up again and positioned his other hand at the hilt too, grabbing it with both hands, the blade towards himself. Without moving a muscle in his face he brought up the blade and held it pointing against his heart, and then moved it back a little, to get enough room to make a swift strike.

Just one quick move, and everything would end.The rain could be heard patting on the roof of the dojo, building a silent music and punctuating the mood in the still air of the dojo, nothing seemed to move, even the wood of the floor and walls paused their walk in time to hold its proverbial breath in dread of the atmosphere that surrounded the training hall.Why would he kill himself? Why commit the atrocity called suicide?

Because the young man who sat in the middle of the dojos floor had weighted everything, not hasted or rushed anything of his thorough examination of his life. And he had found out that he didn't desire to live anymore. He realised that everything might get better in the future, which was almost a guarantee. Sometime he had to succeed in something and everything would get better.

But He didn't live in the future, and he didn't live in the past. The present is all we know, it's the only thing we can experience. Even if you could remember something that happened a long time ago, it's still a recalling of a long lost moment in the presence. Even if you know that the future might be brighter you still live in the present. The presence is all you have. Maybe not even that.

If the presence is too painful to survive, then you might as well just end it now. The future will be better, but it isn't anything that helps you right now, and then it doesn't matter.

The hope is the last thing to die.

Ranmas hope was dead, black and cold within him, and if the hope is the last thing to die, then his body already was dead, it just didn't realise it yet, so Ranma would make it realise, and never have to suffer again.

Kasumi exited the kitchen, carefully carrying a tray with two teacups, a kettle with tea and snacks to the side on a tissue, one of the teacups was filled with warm water. She smoothed out her simple yet pretty blue housedress with one hand, and then took the tray with both hands. She started to carry the tray towards the hall that tied the part of the residence in which they lived to the dojo in the other side of their property.

She had checked the room which Ranma and his father slept, but he wasn't there. But when she went back to the kitchen again she had seen a shadow sneak into the dojo, and she had a strong feeling that was Ranma. So she went into the kitchen and boiled some tea and put together what now was on the tray, mostly to give herself some time to think, she was in fact a bit frightened about talking to him. That vicious fight with his dad, it was a side of Ranma she had never seen before, a side that was uncontrolled, yet he was cold with almost mechanical precision.

"It's over Soun, I renounce my claim of the name Saotome" "I'm sorry" Those words that Ranma uttered, the first with calm confidence and authority, and the other with a sad and lost whisper. They played over and over in Kasumis head, something with it disturbed her, making her itch with worry, it made her feel empty, like something important was missing.

Kasumi opened the doors to the dojo with some difficulty, having to handle the tray as well as the heavy soundproof door. The heavy clouds obscured the sun and made the outside seem like it was evening already, even more so in the dojo, which was cast in shadows. When the door was opened she stepped through and turned around and closing the door again, before she turned totally to face the door she saw a shadowed form in the middle of the dojo, she immediately felt relieved that Ranma indeed was there.

"Ranma, I brought some warm water for you, and some tea to" Kasumis cheery voice faded away, and her smile vanished as the time seemed to slow down for Kasumi when she completed her turn towards Ranma. Her eyes had already started to adjust to the increased shadows, and she saw a clear glint of a naked blade in Ranmas hands, pointed to his chest, and Ranmas lifeless eyes peering down at it, with an expression devoid of emotion. For a second Kasumi was numb of shock, her mind in such turmoil she couldn't fully grasp the image before her.

Then she broke for the second time in her life.

The tray slipped through her numb fingers and crashed to the floor, the teacups and tea can shattering with a bone jarring sound.

"Ranma! No!" Kasumi wailed from the foundation of her being, bringing with it the force of all the pain and hope she carried inside of her, the desperate need and regret. The plea left her lips as she jumped into motion, lunging towards Ranma. Almost falling over, tripping on the tray, but still managing to keep going Kasumi threw herself, crashing into Ranma, knocking him unto his back. The tanto flew, clattering away from the both of them, they lay there, Ranma on his back and just staring lifelessly into the shadows of the roof, Kasumi over him with her face against his shirt, her breathing ragged.

Kasumis uneven breaths were interrupted by a sob, shaking her frame, and more followed closely.

"Why? Why" She started, but didn't manage to continue.

Ranma, still staring straight ahead with a dead look in his face, blinked and seemed to become somewhat aware of his surroundings again, but still not enough to care about that Kasumi lay pressed against him.

"I there's nothing left, I just want to get rid of everything, I have nothing to stay for anymore I tried to tell them, tell them that I couldn't be what they wanted for me to be. I tried I was never enough. Now it's gone, my name, my honor, me. I don't want to feel the pain anymore." He slowly answered in a subdued voice, idly wondering why a girl was laying on him, almost crying.

"There have to be something left, you you can't just give up, doesn't anything help?" She said with a shuddering breath. After a while of silence from Ranma she started to sob even louder, hands balling in the fabric of his shirt.

"I don't want you to feel any pain! It isn't fair, everything that has happened, how everyone treats you, I I don't want you to leave! You're the only one who I can talk to, and I don't want to be left alone again, as with with mother. I don't want to be alone, don't leave me, please don't..." Kasumis sob grew to a wail as she cried out her fear and pain.

Ranma laid there, slowly bringing up his arms to comfort the shaking girl which was crying violently on top of him. Tears slowly welled up in his eyes, and slowly started to slip from the corners of his eyes.

"I... I will not leave." He said after heaving a silent sigh, he slowly continued to stroke her back in hopes of comforting Kasumi who tightly held onto him while the tears soaked into his shirt.

And the knife lay temporarily forgotten on the floor of the dojo, a couple of meters away. Someday the blade maybe would take another life.But not today.

To be continued?

Author notes:  
Ah well, what to say here?  
This chapter, although more like a single scene than a full chapter, ends the first phase of this little story. This is as far as I had planned, and I'm not really sure where to go from here, of if I should continue at all. I wanted to tell a story about a feeling, and now I've done that, where to go next? I have the second chapter planned out (these three parts are the "first chapter") and I have written some of it, but I hesitate, I'm not sure if I have a story to tell anymore.  
Ah well, I'll just have to see about that, chances are that I'll post another chapter in a little while, to see where the story takes me.

A note about Ranma, some would (and have) argued that Ranma would not react in such a way that this story describe, that he would never give up just like that. Well, maybe that's right, I don't really know. I just tell my story, and that's my truth, Everyone has their own truths.

I hope you enjoyed it so far, at least I've had fun writing it. I just worry I've added to the already staggering amount of crappy fics that exist. I hope I haven't, or at least, that I will become good enough one day to be able to write something worth to read.

Now please send me some criticism,  
Either to the email listed at the top

Or just push the button down there and leave a review

But only if you want to, I won't force anyone ;-)


	4. Broken Dreams

  
  
Here we go again!

I'm truly amazed at all the reviews I've gotten. I was hoping for about one or two reviews per chapter, if even that.. But the response I've gotten so far... I'm shocked! XD And very happy too, thanks for the encouragement everyone. :-)

You can also read this story at my homepage which should prove more easy for your eyes, I hope :-)

Oh well, author notes at the end of the chapter!

HONORLESS MAN

chapter 04 - Broken 

By: Ufomanne

Email: Rahwin and add the domain listed above.

Prereading of this chapter I owe to my master, the mighty Kyrian! bows several times Kyrian is such a kind master!

Ahem now on with the story

Tired  
I'm so tired  
Lost my will  
To smile  
To laugh  
To live.  
Tired  
I'm so tired  
Why didn't you listen?  
Now my soul is dead  
I'm just a shell  
Drained of life.

Tired  
I'm so tired  
I wish to just lie down  
Close my eyes and sleep  
Sleep until someone smiles  
Until someone laughs.

Tired  
I'm so tired  
I know you didn't see  
My quiet plea  
But did you have to kill me?  
By those blind and uncaring words.

Tired  
I'm so tired  
Standing here, hollow eyes  
Wish to sleep.

To turn from this.

World of lies.

Ranma lay on the floor of the dojo, silently watching the shadows slowly swallow the ceiling in the slow coming of night. The slow breath of Kasumi softly caressing his neck and cheek, she had slowly fallen asleep after having cried herself empty. She still lay on top of him, seemingly comfortable with her current bedding, sometimes hiccupping as the after effect of her emotional breakout still lingered, even in sleep.

How long they had been laying there Ranma didn't know, but it was well into the evening. The wooden floor of the dojo was slightly uncomfortable to lay upon, even with the cloth between it didn't become very much more soft, but the warm closeness to Kasumi was soothing, and Ranma didn't want to move, he was too tired to move.

The rain had gradually slowed down, now only a slight drizzle remained, almost impossible to hear from Ranma's position. As he lay there staring but not really seeing, slowly caressing Kasumi's back with his right hand, he felt numb, as if his mind simply could not generate enough energy to function properly anymore. He felt numb, but was not totally cut off from himself as he had been before.

It was hard, he had been laying there trying to sort out what he felt for what he had almost done, he tried to dredge up any sort of guilt or any emotion that would tell him that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't. He felt pain thinking about how he hurt Kasumi, and a little bit frightened at the violent reaction that he got from her, it was so unexpected. But somehow, he had felt before that she was somehow like him, hiding behind a false façade, he was shocked at how right his gut feeling had been.

He lay there, not really thinking, not really feeling. It felt calm in a good way, empty, but not really bad.

Finally deciding that it maybe was time to try to move, Kasumi should not be sleeping in the slightly cold air of the Dojo, even if their shared warmth seemed to keep her comfortable. Slowly Ranma began to sit up, holding Kasumi still against his chest and picking up her legs at the knees, so she ended up sitting in his lap. Remarkably enough she didn't react except making a small complaining sound at being moved. Ranma looked down at her with some surprise, and thought with some amount of wonderment at how tired she must be.

Ranma looked around in the dojo, without the low rumble of the rain on the roof it was almost totally quiet inside the dojo, the shadows and silence giving the building a feeling of being in another realm, separated from the rest of the universe. A feeling that normally would perhaps make him a bit uncomfortable did not touch him at all now, and he sat there for a little while, studying the shadows and relishing the warmth from Kasumi and the feeling of being outside the rest of the world.

After a short moment he spied the tanto as a slightly darker shadow on the floor a small distance from his position, and then looked down at the cloth that he sat on. Quickly deciding that those things could wait until later, he folded his legs up under him and carefully stood up, carrying Kasumi with him. Kasumi mumbled something into the crook of his neck, but didn't seem to wake, or was simply too tired to try to move at the moment.

He moved slowly toward the door to the outside, a feeling that might be fear slowly creeping up inside of him at the thought of meeting the world again, to see the people he knew in the face once more. There was nothing to fear, because there was nothing left to lose, but still...

He carefully opened the door of the dojo, making sure he didn't disturb the woman in his arms. Then he slipped out into the hall to the rest of the house. Padding as silently he could, begging fervently in his mind to avoid meeting anyone while having Kasumi in his arms, he walked down and glanced into the hall that led to the family room, seeing the light on, but it seemed like the rest of the house was dark, quiet and dark.

Ranma carried Kasumi up the stairs, halfway Kasumi started to mumble something and Ranma froze in his step to try and listen to what she said, he could only make out his own name once, and the rest was mumbled so incoherently he couldn't understand what she was saying. He stood there for a minute and pondered what she might dream about as it didn't seem to be a nightmare, finally giving up he walked the rest of the dark stair up to the second floor. He listened carefully after any sign of activity, there was no light in any of the rooms, and the faint sound of both Nabikis and Akanes slow breaths was faintly recognisable by his sensitive ears, them and Kasumis breath and heartbeat. Surprisingly no sound of snoring from the guestroom. Briefly wondering where Genma went Ranma sneaked into Kasumis room.

With his sight long since used to the dark he walked up to the bed and, albeit a little clumsily, swiftly got rid of the bedsheets, and very carefully put Kasumi down on the bed. He studied her passively for a moment, taking in the gentle features relaxed in sleep, then he covered her up with the bed sheets, not daring to even think about helping her out of her clothes. Sighing deeply he then sat on the floor beside the bed, leaning against the bed.

"What am I supposed to do now?" He asked himself in a whisper, turning his hands and staring at his palms, looking at every crease and rough line that made them what they were. 'What can I do? I have nothing left, I'm useless this way.' Silently wishing he could cry, or do anything to let some of the pain inside of him escape. 'I guess I have to talk to Soun first, hopefully he will let me stay for a little bit. Or else I'll have to find somewhere else to sleep'

Tiredly he rose, suddenly feeling exhausted. He looked at Kasumi once more, suddenly feeling a bit ashamed that he was in her room without her permission, while she was sleeping. Without a sound he exited her room, and with one last glance full of confusion and doubt at the sleeping girl he closed the door. He stood outside the door for a while, not really sure about what he should do, he was very tired, but he didn't feel like sleeping. Somehow he wished he could go back into the room and sit down at the spot he left and wait. Wait for something to happen, it was much safer in there, much safer with her. He thought about the feelings she brought out in him, she was the only person he knew that wasn't directly tied to any pain, although it hurt to see her sad.

Dismissing that particular train of thoughts he made his way towards his room, intending to enter, maybe then he would come up with some idea as of what he should do. Reaching out with his hand he froze when he thought of what might be behind the door. He didn't hear anything, but the chance for Genma being taken here to rest was very big. Ranma really didn't feel like seeing that fleabag of a panda right now, not now, hopefully never. With a grimace of disgust at Genma, and himself, he let his hand go back to his side. He started down the stairs instead.

'Maybe someone left something to eat. Heh, always something to do.' he wasn't hungry really, but his stomach felt empty. He felt a little better having a goal, and continued his way down the stairs, and toward the kitchen.

Once down the stair he suddenly stopped, the light in the family room was still on, someone was there, or someone forgot to turn the light off. Ranma really didn't feel like facing anyone right now, he felt the panic slowly creep up his stomach, and up his throat. All his defences were down, he had no energy to defend himself anymore and he was afraid that if anyone said or did something of the usual against him, he would just break again, and never be able to survive.

With some trepidation he approached the room, the lighting in the ceiling was dark, but a lamp in the left corner was lighted (which he couldn't see, but it had to be that lamp) casting a soft glow over the otherwise dark room. Soundlessly Ranma walked toward the doorway to the room, if he walked really quiet whoever was in the room wouldn't notice him before he saw who it was, and could flee if it was the wrong person. He saw a shadow of a figure sitting close to where the shogi table usually were.

"Ranma." The simple uttering of his name, said with a calm tone that seldom was heard in the house, made Ranma start, and was almost on his way to bolt, but finally relaxed.

"Tendo" Ranma said with a subdued voice, stepping fully into the room, seeing the patriarch of the Tendo family sitting in his usual place at the shogi table, silently watching the setting of the game. Beside him stood a small bottle of sake, the small glass held in Soun's hand, resting in his lap.

"Nodoka was here, she took Genma with her to their house, he won't be returning." Soun said, a contemplative note to his voice, his gaze never leaving the game. His back partially turned to Ranma, he looked tired, but still, in some way, more aware than Ranma had ever seen him. There was a definite difference. Ranma stood still, not sure what to do, silently fearing and expecting to get attacked by a demon head, or be screamed at, but Soun didn't seem to go in any of the expected paths, and Ranma was not sure if it was good or bad.

Slowly walking into the room, concentrating on keeping calm, Ranma directed his gaze to the game table, the little stones laid out in what seemed to be a complicated problem. Finally he came to a halt a respectable distance from Soun, facing his side, and sat down.

"This here is a problem I've never been able to solve" Soun said in a tone that hinted that he was concentrated on the problem at hand. "The setting has one solution, one stone to be moved to guarantee victory, but if the wrong stone is moved, then you loose instantly." He sighed slowly, and took a sip of his glass of sake, still staring at the board.

"I can't see the stone that needs to be moved, every move I can imagine will result in failure." Souns voice almost broke when he spoke, but still not showing any emotions other than calm reflection.

Ranma stared at the stones set out, for the first time in his life realising what might be the reason to play such a game. He didn't know the rules, so it was just stones laid out on an ornate little table for him, but he realised that to Soun it was much more than that. Soun shifted his position and took another sip of the sake in his hand. Then he spoke again, his eyes not leaving the board.

"I think I finally realised what I was doing wrong, I was always so concentrated on seeing what moves would make me fail. I blinded myself for the move that would win." After finishing he fell silent, and the silence slowly stretched, until Ranma finally could form what he wanted into words.

"Tendo, I" and trailed off as he was interrupted by Soun.

"All I dreamed of was the joining of the schools, to see my daughters happy." Soun clenched his fist and looked at it with a frustrated frown, then suddenly relaxed, and opened his fist, still studying it.

"Maybe you can't put the responsibility to make your dream come true on someone else, maybe you can't live on hope and dreams alone." Soun quickly swallowed the rest of the sake in his glass after becoming quiet once more, then he turned to Ranma, studying him with an intense gaze.

"I'm sorry, this old man has much to think about right now, did you want anything?" He asked in a tired tone. Ranma looked at him for a second, then bowed down in his sitting position.

"I would like to ask for permission to stay, I don't have anywhere to go, and I - " After hesitating for a few moments Ranma spoke with a strangely neutral tone, but was suddenly interrupted by Soun, making Ranma look up once more.

"You can stay, for now at least, I need to think this over before deciding what to do, but you are welcome to keep using the guestroom." Soun leaned closer and his features firmed into an intimidating expression, pointing at Ranma with his hand. "But mark my words boy, hurt any of my daughters and I will never forgive you" Ranma nodded quickly at this, a little unnerved at Soun's display of determination. Soun then turned back to the shogi table, and seemingly ignored Ranma. Feeling this as a sign that the Tendo patriarch wanted to be left alone, Ranma rose gracefully and headed once more toward the kitchen.

After fumbling around for the lighting switch for a little while Ranma quickly found something to eat, and satisfied his immediate need for food, taking no great pleasure in doing so, but none the less feeling a little better afterward, and a little sleepy too. Avoiding the family room with Soun still staring at the game, Ranma soundlessly climbed the stairs and slipped into his room.

Shutting the door behind him, he looked around in his room. It seemed that Soun was right, all of Genma's things were gone, leaving only Ranma's bedroll and backpack at one side of the room.

Such an empty room.

Ranma slowly took off his clothes, and then went to bed, staring up at the ceiling until sleep slowly came.

Ranma opened his eyes, staring at one of the walls in his room, the darkness still enveloped everything. He woke up a little while ago, and even if he had tried, he could not fall asleep again, not with all the thoughts whirling inside his mind.

He rolled onto his back, shifting his view to the ceiling, and sighed. He didn't want this, he didn't want to be here. Why couldn't he just let it go? The pain inside of him made it feel like something was crushing his chest, making it hard to breathe, the need to escape was like panic slowly seeping out of his center, making him want to scream, to run. What was left to stop him? Nothing, except

He promised, damn his weak soul, he had promised to stay.

"Kasumi" He whispered into the dark. Why did she care so much? He didn't deserve any kindness, but still she cared, and he promised. He must try, if not for himself, so for her.

He hoped he had the strength to keep his promise.

Finally giving up on any more sleep this night Ranma slowly sat up, glancing at the window in his room to try and distinguish any sign of an approaching dawn. Seeing none he let out a slow breath, and started to dress himself in his usual garb, then stretching quickly to get his body to full functionality.

Giving a big yawn he slid his door open, and silently made his way downstairs. After making sure that the light in the living room was out this time he stepped into said room, looking around, not really sure what to do when it was still dark.

'Hmm, what to do, what to do I can't just sit and stare at the wall and wait until something happens' Ranma mused, although, the proposition of wallstaring maybe wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Laughing humourlessly at his own uncharacteristic thoughts he turned and walked towards the dojo, deciding that some training in the darkness might be nice, and have the added benefit of giving him the chance of hiding the evidence of his other previous activities in the dojo.

After getting rid of the cloth and setting the tanto at its proper place Ranma walked to the centre of the dojo and assumed a loose stance. Closing his eyes he tried to calm himself, to find his own balance once again, and incorporate the new experiences and feelings in the image of himself. After reaching the first small grip of control over his emotions Ranma started to move, a slow and deliberate kata slowly flowed from his body. Not constructed to make one better at fighting enemies, but to heal and strengthen ones mind and heart.

Gracefully gliding with the simple motions Ranma slowly felt himself coming together once more. Since the day he learned this kata he had never really used it, because he couldn't understand what need the motions coupled with the mental exercises would really have. Now it seemed to be perfectly clear. After a good while ranma started on the last sequence of moves of the exercise, feeling a lot calmer and a little excited, as he could almost feel the calmness and contentment on the other side of the finished kata. Suddenly he hesitated just a little bit, and the form of the sequence was totally ruined.

A small frown appearing on his brow, Ranma tried to keep his emotional balance and began the sequence once more, trying to correct the mistake he made. Still the same hesitation appeared, and thus the kata was disturbed again. It was like something just couldn't comply with his wish of completing the kata, as he was running up a slope with increasing incline, making it harder and harder to climb, and just at the peak of the hill he lost his grip and slid all the way down again. He tried to complete the kata once more, but wielded the same result.

Abruptly coming to a stop, Ranma stood shaking in the middle of the dojo, feeling like screaming out the unfairness of the situation. His emotions once more in disarray Ranma felt like lashing out, to destroy the walls, the floor, anything. Slowly getting a hold of himself, but still needing an outlet for his frustration and anger.

"Feh, anything goes, as it's said." He muttered, and then lashed out in the fastest and most violent kata he could remember. Grunting as he exerted himself as much as was possible and pushing through the movement with all the speed and strength he could, moving with deadly grace across the floor, flying through the air, rebounding off the roof and walls to maim his would-be enemies.

Slowly getting lost in the carnage in his mind Ranma slowly turned onto autopilot, and his movements smoothened out and lost their unsure trembling. After a good while, he finally came to a stop, he sat down, panting heavily from the intense exertion, after having regained his breath he stood up and slowly started to begin some cooling down exercises. After some stretching Ranma felt tired, but somewhat invigorated, he looked outside and saw that the sky started to shift from black to a dark blue, the clouds had started to part, showing slowly fading stars.

'Hmm, seems like I lost track of time a little' Ranma mused, staring up at the sky. 'I think Kasumi usually gets up around this time, hmm'

He slowly made his way into the house, and quietly climbed the stairs, heading for Kasumi's room. Carefully sliding the door open just a little bit he looked inside. When nothing alarming was seen he slid the door open enough to enter he room. He closed the door after him and tip-toed to the bed, where Kasumi lay quietly, Ranma smiled a little at the cute way she had tucked one hand under her cheek. He stood there staring at her, unable to move his eyes from her countenance, not really thinking or feeling anything, just being captivated by the sight of her. Finally he snapped out of his trance, seeing that Kasumi was still sleeping deeply. Ranma carefully pulled the curtains to cover the window and then silently left the room, lingering in the doorway to look at Kasumi's sleeping form before letting the door shut.

Quickly washing the sweat from his training in the bathroom, not taking any time to really take a bath, just washing himself with cold water and then splashing himself with warm water to turn him into a man once more. Then he made his way to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway, staring at Kasumi's domain.

'Might as well try to let Kasumi get some sleep' He thought as he stepped into the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers and different cupboards, surveying the existing resources in the tidy kitchen. Finally deciding what he should make, he started to prepare the selected dishes. Trying to concentrate on mundane things to make the pain go away, to function again, to move, Ranma burried himself in the making of food, almost as he did with the previous training.

After an hour of intense activity Ranma was finally adding the last touches to the breakfast table, trying to make it look as much as Kasumi's work as possible. He was far from as good as her at cooking, but he thought that he had succeeded in at least making a pleasant breakfast.

The sun was climbing over the horizon, and was colouring the few clouds that remained on the sky orange, any time now the rest of the household would wake up, and Ranma was planning on making himself scarce before that happened. He froze in his position when someone walked into the room, but he hadn't heard anyone going down the stairs so it had to be Soun, he turned his head and did indeed see the man standing there, looking a little tired.

"Good morning Ranma" He mumbled, sitting down at his customary place at the table, and bringing up the newspaper he had brought with him, starting to slowly flip through it. Ranma looked at him a little surprised, but then snapped out of it and went into the kitchen and fetched all the food, bringing it out and quickly setting it on the table, he then sat down and cleared his throat, Soun lowered his newspaper, and looked inquiring at Ranma.

"Well, Kasumi didn't feel very well this morning, so I told her to stay in bed, she's sleeping now. I've made the breakfast today, I hope it doesn't taste too bad" Ranma scratched the back of his head, looking nervously at Soun.

"Hmm, that's all right Ranma, are you sure Kasumi is all right? I wouldn't want her to come down with something bad." Soun seemed to be a little perturbed that Kasumi didn't feel too well, but still didn't start the water works, or even question what Ranma had done to her to make her sick, which made Ranma a little shocked, but it was still a relief.

"I don't think so, I think she's just tired. Um I won't join you for breakfast, I I have something else to do, yeah" Ranma said, making a valiant try to sound convincing with his excuse, and failing badly.

"Mhmm, sounds good" Soun mumbled noncommittally, already lost in the newspaper once more. Ranma looked at Soun with an incredulous stare, but quickly recuperated and stood up, then made it to the kitchen once more, fetching the food he had put aside for himself, and then went to the living room, passing Soun, and then out in the backyard. Pausing slightly, he turned around to Soun.

"You can tell the others to just leave everything as it is when they're finished, I'll fix it later" Soun looked up a little surprised, and then nodded absently returning to his paper. Ranma shook his head and then jumped up on the roof, seating himself comfortably he started his own breakfast, trying not to inhale it as he usually did, but to take his time for once.

He could hear the others entering the room down there and start to eat, not seeming in a talkative mood as their breakfast was as quiet as his. Slowly finishing his meal, Ranma carefully put the bowl and other utensils down on the roof and laid back, staring at the sky. Slowly breathing out and closing his eyes. He felt so tired, and this was all so pointless. He never had a chance against his problems, and nothing he could do would solve them. Maybe telling his fiancées of his loss of name would satisfy them, but he doubted it. He would never be able to solve it, there was no chance at all. He wished he just could lie here, and never move again, to just to fall asleep and never wake up again, maybe he could dream some dream where pain was just a fantasy. He was just too weak, this was too hard, and he was so weak. He had tried, he gave his all, but still it was not enough. Ranma turned onto his side and curled up in semi-foetal position.

'I just wish I could escape all the pain, any way possible. But the only option that seems to work is unacceptable, at least to others' Ranma mused, still with his eyes closed, his face relaxed and unreadable. 'Maybe I should just go into a fight with someone, maybe Ryoga, and just loose for real. I'd be dead for sure, and at least Ryoga would be more than happy to finally have his revenge.' He rolled on his back again and smiled a humourless smile up at the skies.

After a while of thoughtless staring at the morning sky Ranma noticed that Akane and Nabiki was leaving for school, and suddenly realised that he should too. Making a grimace at the twisting feeling the bare thought of going to school gave him, he shuddered and quickly decided to skip school.

'I wish I never would have to go to that hellhole ever again' he thought sourly as he rose, and deftly jumped down to ground level. He went to the table and started to move the dishes to the kitchen, and grumbling jumping up on the roof in between to fetch his own dishes that he forgot.

When he had finished collecting the dishes he started to fix some of the meal he put aside as he did with his own breakfast, and quickly set the table for one person. He was just about to return to the kitchen when Soun walked into the room again and cleared his throat, Ranma looked up, curious and a little on his guard.

"I'm going out, I won't be back until dinner. Can you tell my daughters when you get the chance Ranma?" Soun said, with a little uncertain voice, and when receiving a nod from Ranma he turned around and a minute later Ranma heard the door open and close. Ranma scratched his head, shrugged and continued with his task.

'I wonder if Kasumi is awake yet...' he thought as he straightened himself from finishing the last part of his preparations. Rubbing his eyes tiredly he stretched, and then went to see if she had awakened or not. Starting up the stairs he idly noted the slightly different colours in the wood of the walls, the signs of new material added to repair damages to the house. Ranma thought about how many times he had his head punched through a wall in this house, either he had lost too many brain cells and was starting to have a bad memory, or he just lost count.

"Ranmaa!" His name screamed in total anguish ripped him from his musings with its desperate urgency. The scream came from Kasumi's room, and almost like magic he suddenly was at her door, and shoved it open with as much speed he could muster, and threw himself into the room to maim whatever person or thing was threatening Kasumi's life.

Ranma wildly looked around in the shadowed room, and hesitated a little when he noticed that there was no one in the room beside himself and the distraught girl in the bed. Kasumi, who had been sitting up in the bed with her face buried in her hands crying her eyes out gasped as she saw him rush into the door and tried to rise and get to him as fast as possible,. She got up, stumbled and started to fall as the bed sheets still tangled in her legs made themselves known, and she fell. Ranma lunged forward and managed to catch her before she hit the floor, and then kneeled down to set her down safely, all the while Kasumi was gripping the front of his shirt and desperately pressed herself against him, sobbing into his shoulder. Ranma hesitated, not really sure how to feel or react, he carefully put an arm around her, trying to comfort her.

"What happened Kasumi? Are you hurt, what's wrong?" He said with a soft voice. Kasumi continued to sob into his shirt, but slowly seemed to regain her composure. Ranma felt rather pathetic in his lack of experience in this kind of situation, and just slowly caressed the girls back while rocking slightly from side to side. Finally Kasumi relaxed, and drew a deep breath, and mumbled something into his chest that Ranma didn't really catch.

"Eh? What did you say?" Ranma asked, trying to make his voice as calm and caring as he could.

"You d-died... I, I saw you die and I couldn't do anything" Kasumi trembled as a heavy sob tore through her, and she started crying full out again, repeating the words 'couldn't do anything' over and over to herself, clutching Ranma as if he would disappear if she didn't hold on hard enough.

"I'm here, I'm not dead, it was only a nightmare." Ranma told her with his most soothing voice, almost on the verge of crying himself, because she was in pain, and because he felt guilty he couldn't say more, to assure her that he would never disappear, that everything would be all right, he didn't believe in it himself, and he couldn't bring himself to lie.

Sitting there hugging each other, one crying, seeking comfort with the one that in a way made her cry, and one trying to withstand the despair that tried to swallow him. After some time Kasumi calmed down again, only a sob or two escaping, but she didn't move from the position which they were in. After yet more time Ranma wondered if she had fallen asleep again, but as he sat there considering how to take her to the bed again without waking her Kasumi a little embarrassedly sat up and dried some of her tears from her face with her arm. Sitting in front of him, she didn't meet his concerned gaze, and looked increasingly embarrassed.

"I, I'm sorry, I don't know what" She started, sounding apologetic, but trailed off, as Ranma interrupted her.

"It's ok, really. Do, do you want some breakfast?" he asked, tentatively. Kasumi looked a little surprised at his question, then noticed that the curtains hid some of the light, but didn't hide the fact that it was a sunny morning outside.

"Oh my! I need to make breakfast, ooh, I have to get Akane and Nabiki their lunches too, oh no I'm too late!" Kasumi stumbled upright, with Ranma quickly jumping up in front of her and holding up his hands, quickly waving them, with an almost as panicked expression as Kasumi.

"No no, you don't have to do that, I did it. I asked if you wanted some breakfast, nothing else." Kasumi's rising worry faltered when she heard Ranma, and looked a little confounded.

"That was very nice of you Ranma, but why? I mean" Kasumi asked, but didn't come up with anything to continue with without being rude. Ranma looked a little embarrassed, having completely forgot about a minute ago, rocking a little on the balls of his feet, and scratching the back of his head.

"Ah, well I was thinking that you were tired and, uh, needed some sleep, so I made breakfast and stuff. I figured they could stand being without your food for one morning and tolerate mine" Ranma tried to explain, idly noticing how Kasumi's dress had fallen off one of her shoulders in a display of soft, milky skin, and then hastily looking away. Kasumi looked down on her shoulder to look what made Ranma react like that, blushing she quickly fixed her dress and then glanced at Ranma, who was tensely looking at the wall with great interest, as if he was ready to be accused for being a pervert any second now. After a little while with nothing happening, he tentatively glanced back at Kasumi, and then turned back looking a little embarrassed, inwardly cursing himself for expecting any violent reaction from Kasumi.

"Hmm, sorry" He said, just to be sure. Kasumi tilted her head to the side a bit, as if asking what he was talking about, just as she was trying to minimise the wrinkles in her dress.

"I told your dad that you weren't feeling well so he let you sleep in... I was thinking that you maybe would like some breakfast too, I've got some at the table if you want it." Ranma added as an afterthought. Kasumi nodded and smiled a tentative smile.

"Yes, that would be nice, I'll come down in a minute. I'd better... change." Kasumi looked just a bit embarrassed at her generally dishevelled look, but her smile was still in place.

"Oh! Right." Ranma responded, and quickly left the room and went downstairs once again, feeling a little confused as to why his heart was beating so fast, but he shrugged it off, must have been the fright of Kasumi screaming as if she was being murdered just some minutes ago...

When he reached the family room he made sure nothing was missing at the table, and then proceeded to the kitchen and started on the dishes that were waiting for him. Five minutes later, when he was immersed in his own little martial arts dishwashing contest Kasumi came down, much refreshed in clean clothes, and looked almost a little disbelievingly at the meal set out for her. Hesitating just for a couple of seconds she deftly sat down, and started on her food. She smiled happily at the taste of the food, it was maybe not the class of her own cooking, but it was someone else's cooking, and it was made for her, thus it was the best meal she had had in a long time.

Hearing the somewhat noisy Ranma rummaging around in the kitchen Kasumi sat there and savoured her food, looking out the open shoji and out in the small garden with its pond, and the morning sun that soothingly caressed the world.

Somehow the dream of just a few minutes ago felt so far away.

But the ache deep in her heart whispered of another truth...

To Be Continued

Authors notes:

Well, that was that. I expressed the feeling I wanted to in the first three chapters, so I'm looking for a new feeling to express, and thus it's going pretty slow. But I'm on my way no doubt. This fic will be finished! :-)  
I apologise for this chapter, as I feel it's way below the quality of the other chapters, but I will strive to become better! This might seem like a meaningless chapter, where not much happens, but I assure you, it's an integral part of this story. Nothing is without meaning.

And, a call for help: I need prereaders! I need help with my evil grammar and spelling   
So if you feel inclined to help me, then give me a call. I have several Ranma fanfics in the planning/writing stages, and some help would be great.Please send comments and criticism to the email listed at the top

Or just press the button down there XD  
If you feel like it of course!


	5. Silent Dreams

HONORLESS MAN

chapter 05 - Silent Ufomanne

Email: Rahwin and add the domain listed above.

In the kitchen, Ranma's graceful dance suddenly came to a stop as he snatched the last of the dried plates from the air and deposited it in the right cupboard, and then put the towel he used to dry the dishes at the side of the kitchen counter to dry. Cooking food the usual way was nice, as he did when he was helping Kasumi in the kitchen, but still, his own kind of kitchen martial arts was very enjoyable too. He guessed that it was always a nice thing to be able to shine with your skill, to be able to know for yourself that you were really good at what you were doing, and take real joy in just doing what you were best at.

'Maybe that's what has been missing' Ranma mused as he stood in the kitchen, feeling the aura of calm and stillness around him.

He shrugged and resolved to think about it sometime later, it didn't feel important to him at the moment. For now the kitchen had been returned to its pristine nature again, just as it usually was after Kasumi had been in there. It was nice to be able to be in the traces of her aura, that kind of small, almost undistinguishable feeling from a place that was an important part of a person's life. It was almost nonexistent, but still you could feel it in your bones, the warm, safe, almost holy feeling of a soul's sanctuary.

Almost tiptoeing out of the kitchen Ranma looked towards the dinner table, and found Kasumi sitting there with a small, sad smile on her lips, looking out into the sunlit garden. Gently approaching her, he noticed that she seemed to have finished her meal, he bent down to take the cups and plates from the table, elegantly starting to build a little tower in his left hand. Kasumi noticed him and looked a little surprised, but then smiled a grateful smile at him.

"Do you want some tea?" Ranma asked, while a bit nervously answering her smile in kind. Kasumi slowly nodded.

"Yes, I would like that a lot, do you want any help?" She said with her calm and beautiful voice, which made Ranma's smile grow more genuine as he shook his head

"Nah, it'll just take a few sec" Then he quickly disappeared into the kitchen once again, carefully making the blend of tea he knew Kasumi liked best. After the few minutes it took to prepare it all he brought the tea can and two cups out to the table, he noticed that Kasumi had moved to sit on the patio facing the pond, and walked over to her, setting the cups down and pouring some of the tea in each, and then silently handing one to Kasumi, taking the other for himself, and finally sitting down beside her. Kasumi nodded her thanks for the tea, and took a sip, her smile broadening a little at tasting her favourite tea with just the right touch.

They sat there for a while, watching in silent tranquillity as the sun slowly climbed the horizon and warmed them, and how the wind gently caressed the garden, and softly shooed the small white clouds across the sky. It was a touching sight, the kind of beauty that is so achingly beautiful because you're not a part of it, even if you longed to be. The teacups were silently filled once more, and set aside when empty once again.

The sun was warm and soothing, the wind relaxing and soft. They both sat in silence and contemplated how badly their ugly hearts were suited to live in the kind of world they saw, with a feeling of numbness and detachedness surrounding them. After a good while, Kasumi scooted a little closer to Ranma.

"You... didn't go to school." Said Kasumi, with a subdued tone that made it clear that she wasn't really asking.

"Mm, no real point to it, and it hurts just to think about it." Ranma muttered back, still staring up in the sky, momentarily clenching his fists in his lap, and then relaxing. He looked down to his lap with a surprised look on his face as Kasumi gently took his hand in her own smaller hand. He stared at their hands as they settled themselves between the two of them, and then looked up at Kasumi.

"Your hand is soft" He whispered, smiling faintly, Kasumi smiled back.

"And yours is strong." She replied softly, caressing his hand with her thumb, going back to watching the sky as she did so. Ranma didn't really didn't have a good answer, being busy feeling her soft caress on his hand, and thus kept quiet. It was strange how such a small amount of contact could feel so good, if it had been anyone else he'd been too afraid to notice, but with Kasumi it was ok. He trusted her, and it won over the almost animalistic reaction of panic that all sorts of close contact usually triggered in him. The abuse that usually followed any such situation had changed his reaction from nervousness due to unfamiliarity, and exacerbated it to a creeping fear boarding on paranoia. But Kasumi, he knew her, and knew that she wouldn't try to hurt him deliberately, and thus he could allow himself to relax, firmly refusing to let the question about what would happen if anyone else saw them like this arise in his mind.

"Do you still... want to go?" Kasumi's voice wavered a little, on the verge of breaking, but managing to carry out to the end. Somehow she seemed to shrink a bit into herself, as if fearing the answer, and suddenly the sun didn't feel so bright to Ranma any more.

How do you answer such a question?

Time slowly crept forward as Ranma remained silent, not really sure what he wanted to answer, not sure what could convey his emotions. He felt how Kasumi's grip upon his hand firmed, and he gave a slow sigh.

"I, don't know..." Ranma's whisper died out, and he first gazed at the pond, then turning his eyes to the sky, pointedly avoiding looking at Kasumi altogether. When he finally spoke again it was in a subdued tone, almost a whisper.

"There's not really any point in staying, I... There's still things left worth staying for, but there are more things that make me want to leave. I think, it feels like I've never really fit into this world, maybe better to just leave altogether, and be rid of it all. I'm not sure though... I made a promise after all, and I don't want to hurt anyone..." Ranma fell silent, seemingly searching for what he wanted to say, Kasumi continued to caress his hand with her thumb and looked at him sideways with a sad smile, but not saying anything. After a minute of silence Ranma drew a deep breath and continued.

"I just can't live the life I have been living up until now, I tried, I really tried... But now I'm empty, I don't have any more of myself to give. I know I'm to blame too; no one is innocent, except maybe you Kasumi. But I've been trying for so long to please everyone, to try to make it work without hurting anyone. But all I end up is hurting everyone anyway, and now it's nothing of me left." Ranma looked down, studying his feet with an expression devoid of emotion, not really focusing on anything. "There's no shield left, and next barb will just... kill me." Ranma closed his eyes, that throbbing lump in his throat that never developed into tears, but still refused to go away, made it impossible to say anything more. Kasumi didn't answer, her lips trembling slightly as she kept her own tears in check. Finally Kasumi whispered, with a slightly unsteady voice.

"Like, like you just stand still, and you just watch everyone else move, and all you can do is wait for the end." The silence hung heavily in the air, until the breeze hastened its pace and rustled their clothes and hair, somehow making them relax a little bit. It was a beautiful morning after all.

After sitting there in silence for a long time, just gazing and not really thinking as the sun slowly crept toward the apex of its travel over the sky. Ranma raised his unengaged hand and covered a big yawn, as the early morning started to make him feel his fatigue. Kasumi watched him yawn, and the lost smile returned once again, even if it was small.

"Tired?" She asked, he shrugged in response and yawned once more. Kasumi scooted back a little, let go of Ranma's hand, and turned towards him and patted her lap softly. Ranma looked at her and raised one of his eyebrows in question. In answer, Kasumi's smile grew wider, and she reached forward with her hands and gently grabbed Ranma at his shoulders, pushing him down to rest his head in her lap, she brushed his bangs out of his eyes, and met his gaze as he looked up at her.

"Then rest for a little bit, if you want to." She told him in a soft voice. Ranma looked ready to go into panic mode, as the position that they were in was almost too intimate, but he slowly relaxed, his trust winning over his usual reactions. He didn't say anything, just smiled back a little at Kasumi and arranged his legs to be comfortable and slowly closed his eyes. He didn't protest any when Kasumi turned his head a little, and started to undo his pigtail, running through his soft black hair with gentle movements, she tilted his head back when finished, and spread his silky hair over her lap, not stopping her hands careful caress. Ranma let out a small sigh, letting his breath run from him as he finally relaxed totally, soothed by Kasumi's gentle ministrations. He reflected on how good this felt, warmed by the sun, and being close to her, protected.

Kasumi watched as Ranma slowly slipped into sleep, his facial features loosing its small signs of strain and sadness and smoothing out as sleep embraced him. Touching his hair felt good, being close to him felt good, her only real friend. She understood his pain, and it clawed inside of her, his pain, but she couldn't be without him. To loose him now would be too much, she didn't have anything else to hang onto, so she would do all she could to keep him alive, even if she felt so helpless, so useless, she had to try.

The day slowly continued its course, the sun going it predestined path toward whatever destination it was headed for, Kasumi sat there, slowly caressing her only friends face and hair, watching him sleep peacefully for once, far away from the horrors of his world and mind when awake.

Kasumi still sat and slowly caressed Ranma's relaxed face, an almost wistful smile on her lips, when Nabiki came home from school. Not being greeted back as usual when she announced her arrival at the door Nabiki went into the living room looking around, when she turned her head and saw Kasumi and Ranma she somehow just stopped and stood and watched in surprise. Kasumi looked up at her sister, smiling a somewhat sad smile, and nodded in greeting.

"Hello Nabiki, how was school today?" She said with a quieter-than-normal tone, as if to not awaken the boy sleeping in her lap. Seemingly unconsciously Kasumi kept her hands in motion as if she hadn't left Ranma with her eyes. Nabiki seemed nonplussed for a few seconds, a rare thing for her.

"Um, it was ok Kasumi, just as usual, except Ranma wasn't at school. What are you doi... I mean, what is Ranma doing there?" Nabiki said, her usual nonchalant tone marred by a small hint of bafflement. Kasumi looked down at Ranma, and then up at Nabiki again, still caressing Ranmas hair, and now with a more honest smile.

"He was tired, and fell asleep" She said with a tone that explained that it was the most natural thing in the world. Nabiki quickly recovered from her surprise and managed to give one of her lopsided smiles.

"Well, you're lucky Akane went to a friend of hers after school or she might have gotten something wrong, I'll be at my room until dinner." At Kasumi's nod Nabiki walked from the room and could be heard climbing the stairs seconds thereafter.

Kasumi looked down at Ranma again, and contemplated what Nabiki had said. She was right, she realised, Akane would have misunderstood the situation in a rather spectacular fashion if she had found Ranma lying in Kasumi's lap like this. Kasumi looked at Ranma's peaceful face with an almost imperceptible frown, she was not sure if Akane would have been overreacting again, or if this was improper behaviour for two friends.

'Does it really matter what anyone else thinks anymore?' She thought, absently twirling some of Ranma's black and soft hair between her fingers. Did it matter? Her only friend was dying inside, or was already dead, and he was perhaps the only thing that mattered anymore, did it matter if Akane misinterpreted something, or if there was not anything to misunderstand? She thought back to when she found him in the dojo, and later when she woke up from her nightmare, tears started welling up and dimmed her vision when she saw it all in her mind again, but the tears did not spill over. If anything, those moments had been improper, but she felt no regret, just pain and a burning... She was not sure, it felt warm, a blazing heat that warmed her from inside when she thought about it. Maybe it was devotion...

'Does it really matter?' She questioned Ranma's sleeping form in her mind, and she came up with a clear answer.

'No, it does not matter, nothing else does.' There was both pain and relief in that thought, a kind of hopelessness that left her weak, but also with a kind of purpose.

Kasumi slowly drew a slow breath, unconsciously drawing in as much of Ranma's scent as possible, and then called out to him softly, saying his name until he slowly awakened. Ranma slowly opened his eyes, and found himself looking up into Kasumi's smiling face, which was very close to his own face, unconsciously he smiled faintly at the sight, his still not fully awake mind caught up to him after a few seconds, and his smile changed into a frightened look and he quickly sat upright, Kasumi quickly raising her face to not get her nose bruised. Ranma quickly jumped up into standing position and looked around, when not finding any violence coming his way he looked down at Kasumi, who looked at him with raised eyebrows, a faint smile on her lips.

"Slept well?" She asked, with a somewhat amused tone, as Ranma started looking very embarrassed at his startled reaction, he opened his mouth, seemingly to start one of his excuse routines and automatically put his hand behind his head in his usual gesture, but upon noticing that his pigtail was absent he lost his trail.

"I...! uhm... yeah." He muttered this as he felt through his hair, looking down at Kasumi with a rueful grin. Then he stretched his body, reaching for the sky with his hands and making himself as tall as possible, after standing on his toes for a few seconds he almost lost his balance, and he relaxed his body again, rolling his shoulders a little. Kasumi watched from her seated position, smiling a little and enjoying the unconscious show. When feeling that his body was fully online again, if still just a bit slow from sleep, he looked down at Kasumi with his eyebrows raised in question.

"Soo, now what?" he queried, looking around himself, and then continued without waiting for an answer.

"Akane and Nabiki home from school yet? Oh right, Soun said he was going to be away on some errand of his, he'll be back to dinner." He continued, he looked up at the sun, trying to divine a more exact time than the general hour of the day from its position in the sky.

"Akane seems to have plans to stay at a friend, I'm not sure if she's sleeping over, sometimes she sleeps over when she's upset at... hmm, something. Nabiki just came home, so I thought I better start on some of the things I have to do before dinner, which was why I woke you up, sorry." Kasumi wisely, albeit a bit clumsily, avoided possibly mentioning Akane's only real source of her usual tantrums; Ranma. Ranma made a sour face at first, without a doubt seeing through Kasumi's try at a save, but then shook his head and smiled a little when she excused herself.

"No problem, I'll train a little at the dojo, if you don't need any help?" Ranma asked, and received a shake of the head from Kasumi.

"Hmm, tell me before you start on dinner then, I wanna go wash off before I help you with it, so I don't warp the food with my odour." Ranma smiled as Kasumi giggled a little at his joke, and then went outside and jumped over the house to the dojo, entering the training hall, and started on an exercise. Kasumi herself stood up, stretching her legs a little after having been sitting still for several hours, and then proceeded into the house to do the current chores.

Some time later, as Ranma was going through one of his harder katas Kasumi carefully opened the door to the dojo, so that she made no sound, and entered quietly. Standing beside the door she watched him intently as he went through the graceful dance he called his art. Ranma noticed her as soon as she opened the door, and was grateful that she let him continue with his kata as far as he needed, a courtesy few other, if anyone at all, had ever showed him. He let the awareness of Kasumi slip from his mind as the kata demanded all his attention to keep it together.

Kasumi didn't see Ranma glance her way or any other sign of him noticing her presence in the hall, but she knew that he had noticed her entrance, and she sat down beside the door, folding her legs beneath her, and her hands in her lap as she watched his amazing dance. Kasumi was not trained in the more advanced forms of the art, but she did have some small knowledge, and she practised regularly to keep herself fit, even if no one noticed as she used to do it after she woke up and before starting breakfast. As she was not familiar with the more sophisticated nuances of the anything goes she could not really classify which katas of the master level was hard and which was easy (even if all of them could be considered very hard in some notion), but this seemed to be one of the harder ones. Ranma's form shifted relentlessly over the floor, and frequently in the air with high jumps and bounds of the walls and roof, all the while lashing out with fists and feet in strikes and kicks that was nothing more than blurs, also, she could see the perspiration on Ranma's exposed skin fling off in small droplets in all directions, a testament to the massive exertion required of the exercise.

Kasumi had made a habit of occasionally watching Ranma train in the dojo when they had started to know each other a bit better, often enough one of Ranma's enemies or "friends" joined (and of course interrupted) him as he started on his training, often making it very dangerous to be in the vicinity, but sometimes Ranma was left alone in the dojo, and then Kasumi often sneaked in and sat at the side and watched for a while.

Ranma was always rather pleasant to look at (if not extremely pissed, which made him more scary, even if handsomely scary), and any exercise made his physical prowess, and attractiveness, more than clear. But such obvious reasons aside, Kasumi had a special reason to have her little habit.

Ranma was called many things, and maybe it was true that Ranma was no genius in most things, even if Kasumi knew that Ranma could be considered very intelligent. His lack of social and communicational skills often managed to land him the status of a stupid and insensitive jock, but still, most of the detrimental things said about his person were not true. However, even if he truthfully could not be called a talented person when it came to such things as math or physics, there was one thing that made Ranma more special than most mortals on this earth.

Kasumi believed that few others really realised what this thing was, they did not see it even if it was right in front of their eyes almost every day. Maybe they did not realise it themselves, but still their subconscious realised to some extent, making it a part of what made Ranma such a central point of so many lives.

When Ranma did the usual things people do, eating, sleeping, going to school and such things, Ranma was mostly a boy like anyone else, he had a special charm and a way of carrying himself that made people notice him, and a personality that made the people that noticed him mostly either love him or hate him, but so far he was just like most people. It was when he started to use what most commonly is called martial arts that he started to differ from other people. Knowing it or not, Ranma somehow managed to make even the crudest and simplest of movements graceful when he fought, it was as he stepped outside the universe when moving, as his fluid movements was something that was too beautiful to belong to this world. This was just when he was casually fighting off someone he didn't consider a real challenge, when he performed more out of ingrained reflexes than actual attention.

It was when he really fought it showed the most, when he poured his heart and soul into every movement, when he was fighting against impossible odds, or when he was alone and battling with himself to move further than ever before. When he fought like that, as he did when she now watched, then something truly amazing seemed to happen. It was as if somehow he started to shine with life, a haze of glittering energy swirling about him, making him shine bright as the sun to the inner eye. It was as if when he danced his beautiful dance the world somehow, the universe itself, danced with him, moved with him. The universe moved and embraced him, and it laughed in joy as it did it, and it made everyone else in the world, how much more supreme in difference to Ranma's skill they might be, appear as insignificant.

And as Ranma danced his dance with the world, the energies that caressed him then somehow remained, even if they were insignificant in comparison to when he fought. This residual energy was what made Ranma the kind of person that could touch a life but once, and change it totally by just that little touch. It made people love him and hate him all the more, and not seldom both at the same time. It was what made him what he was, and it was both a blessing and a curse, depending on how you looked at it.

Kasumi had not noticed this until just after she started to watch him regularly, but she was amazed at how it fell into place when she realised it, everyone knew that Ranma was someone special, but it seemed that few actually could comprehend the true reason. Even if her discovery was merely metaphorical, it still came close to a basic truth, as close as she could explain it.

And so it was, that it was the real reason she continued to watch his training sessions, because they were more than just training sessions. That, and that it was pleasant to watch Ranma move and sweat too, she was not more than a human after all.

As Ranma, after a grandiose ending sequence of his kata, came to a stop Kasumi clapped her hands for a little bit, smiling at him as he turned to her and made a mock bow. He started doing some small exercises to let his body cool down the right way, after a short while in silence he turned to Kasumi.

"So, you starting dinner now I guess? I'll be just a few minutes." Ranma said as he started stretching at the same time, now looking at her upside down. Kasumi nodded to him in answer, smiling as he made a face in his somewhat humorous position.

"Yes well, I think it might be more appropriate to say that we are starting dinner soon, as you do as much as I do, and you can take as much time as you want, we don't need to start yet for half an hour or so, Daddy just came home, and I think he's just finished with the bath." She said, as she remained seated, not really in a hurry anywhere.

"Yeah well, I would say that you're the person of us that's irreplaceable when making food, I'm not, so it's still you who makes the food, even if I give help on a corner." He said as he changed position, grimacing a little as a muscle complained.

"I think you don't let yourself take enough credit for the food we make, it wouldn't be the same at all without you, and much worse I can promise that." Kasumi retained her amused expression, but her tone became a little more serious, showing her honesty. Ranma shrugged and rolled his eyes.

"yeah, whatever." He rose up, and started toward the door, opting to finish the stretching when he washed up. Kasumi raised an eyebrow from where she sat as he reached for the handle.

"Are you not going to help me up?" She asked, with a playfully accusative tone. Ranma looked at her a little surprised, and then a little embarrassed.

"Ah, well, I though about it, but I was thinking that you might not want to come too close to me at the moment." Lifting his sweat soaked shirt in the front with two fingers to indicate what he meant. Kasumi looked at the shirt that was clinging to his skin.

"I don't mind, that much anyway." She told him, and made a gesture with her hand to make him come to her and help her. He let go of the door and walked over to her, gave her a hand and lifted her up as she took it. She reached out to touch his new pigtail as he turned around again, he glanced back at her light touch, and then continued to the door, Kasumi following close behind. Ranma headed for the bath, while Kasumi entered the kitchen and started the preliminary preparations for making dinner.

After quickly but thoroughly washing himself from the sweat that he had accumulated Ranma came into the kitchen, clad only in his now clean pants, rubbing a towel to his hair to make it as dry as possible. He put the shirt he brought on the table nearby, and continued to dry his hair as he turned to Kasumi, who was standing at the sink.

"So, what'cha planning on making today Kasumi? You said something about some fish yesterday, but I don't remember what." Ranma said, as he rubbed on, his eyesight hindered by the towel. After a little while of silence, when Kasumi's breath was the only thing that told him that she hadn't just vanished, he moved the towel back and uncovered his eyes, and looked at her standing there, staring at him.

"Um, Kasumi?" He asked, unsure if something was wrong. Kasumi herself suddenly jerked her head toward the sink again, somehow blushing furiously.

"Ah, nothing, I mean... Fish, yes it's fried fish and rice and..." Kasumi managed to mutter incoherently, her mind swirling with thoughts about why she was acting so strange, why she felt her heartbeat speed up whenever she saw him like that, and the slightly tingling feeling that spread itself through her body, her mind crept toward the obvious answer, but her mind refused to recognize the possibility.

Being occupied by her thoughts she didn't think of where she put her hand when she reached out to steady her somewhat shaky legs, and shrieked when she felt an intense burning pain in her right hand. The ambulatory reflex nerves did their work and Kasumi violently jerked her hand away from the hot stove, almost falling on her backside before Ranma steadied her with an arm. She brought up the hand and started blowing on it, muttering a quiet curse, and then whimpering at the pain that beamed from her fingers and hand up her arm.

Ranma wasted no time on words and took her hand with the hand he had free, despite her weak protests, and studied for a second, noticing that the fingers and a little bit of the palm was burned. Then he gently guided her to the sink, turning on the cold water and putting her hand under the stream. Kasumi sucked in air between her teeth at the cold waters touch, both soothing and painful, and then letting out a heavy sigh, leaning back on Ranma in the process.

"That's going to leave blisters, I think." Ranma mumbled, still holding her with one arm, and holding her hand under the water with the other.

"I'm such a clumsy girl sometimes..." Kasumi said in a soft tone, slowly, reluctantly leaning forward until she stood fully on her own again. Ranma let go of her, and took a step backwards.

"You just stay still a little, I'll get the first aid box." He said, and started rummaging in the cupboard where she usually stored the bandages and similar equipment frequently used in the house. As he took it out Soun came into the room and looked around.

"Everything all right? I thought I heard you scream Kasumi." Soun looked around suspiciously, seemingly teetering on the edge of either starting to bawl or attack someone, but restraining himself none the less. As he looked around he quickly noticed Ranma crouching in front of a cupboard, looking up at Soun with some apprehension, Soun relaxed visibly at the sight of Ranma, but his face still showed his worry as he looked at his daughter once again.

"I just forgot myself and burned my hand father, I'm sorry." Kasumi said, a little embarrassed. Soun raised an eyebrow, apparently surprised at such an accident, which had not happened for many years.

"Hmm, ok, will you be all right dear? Should I do something?" He asked, glancing at her hand that she held under the water. Kasumi shook her head, giving a somewhat strained smile.

"No father, I'll be ok, Ranma will help me take care of the burn, so you don't have to worry." She said, Soun nodded slowly at this, and started to turn around.

"Hmm, ok, I'll be in my room if you need help with anything, be careful." And then he was gone. Ranma sat still for another second, impressed at Soun's uncharacteristic display of restraint once again, and then brought his small burden to the sink. Setting the box down, he brought out some gauze and a small bottle of salve. He then grabbed a clean towel, and turned to Kasumi.

"You probably know more about this than I do, but I think I can handle this small thing" he said with a little smile, which was answered in kind by Kasumi, and then he gently took her hand out of the water, and dried it with the towel as carefully as he could. Kasumi winced now and then when he moved the already stiffening fingers, but she was still somewhat numb from the cold water, so the pain was muted. When Ranma decided it was dry enough he removed the towel and started to apply the salve, Kasumi could feel him gently spread it over the burns, a pleasant chilling sensation followed, that robbed the burn from some of its sting. When the salve was fully applied, Kasumi gave a relieved sigh, letting go of some of the tension in her body. Ranma covered the hand softly with gauze, so the salve would stay in place and no dirt come into the damaged tissue, but lightly enough so that the skin would be able to breathe without problem.

"There, I hope that'll help. I guess I'll be the one that makes most of the food anyway." Said Ranma as he fastened a small clip at the end of the gauze to keep it in place. Kasumi nodded slowly in answer, albeit reluctantly.

"But it's only one hand, I could still do a lot..." She started to protest, even if her own voice didn't sound very convinced. Ranma shook his head and started to gather the medical supplies into the little box again.

"Better just rest, you can apply spices if you want, but otherwise it's better if you just take it carefully with it, it'll heal faster that way." Ranma told her as he put the lid on the box again, and then handed her a pill, and then plucked a glass from a cupboard and filled it with water.

"Here, a painkiller, you might not feel it as bad right now when the burn still is fresh, but it'll hurt like hell in just a little bit." Kasumi pouted a little at Ranma's admonishing tone, but still gratefully took the glass of water and the little white pill.

"You know, I have read a lot more than you on the topic of burns, I'm sure I have, so you don't have to try and tell me how it's done" She said, but without any real complaint in her tone. Ranma shrugged and looked at her, and finally gave her a lopsided grin.

"Maybe so, But I got tons more of experience, first hand experience. All those kiblasts and bombs and god knows what doesn't feel like being caressed with feathers you know. An' they leave pretty nasty burns too if you're unlucky." Ranma said jokingly, even if the humorous tone sounded somewhat hollow. Kasumi nodded sombrely, a bit of sadness creeping into her face at the unintentional reminder of the current situation.

Somehow it sometimes seemed so easy to forget about it all when she was alone with Ranma.

"Anyway! We better start on the food already!" Ranma smiled and looked around in the kitchen appraisingly, and then moved to the small table, showing with a slightly exaggerated bow to one of the seats.

"Mah lady, a seat for the wounded beauty, let the men handle the heavy labour:" He said, with a rather ridiculous tone and dialect that Kasumi couldn't help but to smile at. She walked up to where Ranma was standing, mock-curtsied and sat down carefully arranging her dress. Ranma nodded vigorously, cupping his hands together and holding them under his chin, looking down at Kasumi.

"Yes yes, very good! Now, can I bring you anything my lady, so that thou might not perish at this table? Some tea perhaps?" He asked in an overeager fashion, making Kasumi smile even more. She nodded daintily.

"Yes please." She said, and Ranma nodded and quickly made some tea, and when Kasumi had gotten her tea he started on the dinner, trying to make it as enjoyable for Kasumi as possible utilising all his skill in his own little martial arts contest. Kasumi sat there sipping her tea, only using her unwounded hand, giving Ranma pointers where she thought it was needed.

For just a short moment, everything seemed normal. As if their unwillingness to think about what pained them somehow worked, for a little while. But the peace never lasts, does it?

end of chapter.

Firstly, I didn't have any spellchecker for this chapter, so I'm sorry for my spelling.

Not much to say about this chapter, except that I say again that this story will definitley be finished, how long it will take is another matter... But anyway. I'm not sure if it was acceptable, I'm not really happy with it, but I'm satisfied with the fluff, however misplaced it now is... I suspect that the pace will pick up in the next chapter, whenever I will be left alone long enough to write it.


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